'For those trying to find their voice in a world where they have to speak louder, just so they can be heard' – Ilana Estelle
Silence and solitude
I would often spend time in silence and solitude, listening to what would become my inner voice. Although I didn't know about autism, it contributed to the solitude and it was the reason I connected with myself.
Finding my voice was necessary to learn about my disability, learn about myself. For the first time, through my writing, I am able to identify with my disability and my experiences.
Writing and finding my voice
Being able to write, meant I would for the first time get to know my struggles. It was important to me to learn about 'me.' Anyone in my circumstances, I am sure, would have done the same thing.
Honesty
But honesty requires us to be brave, to turn our lessons into truths. People may always have opinions, but each of us need to be true to ourselves. Each of us need to be comfortable with what we say, no matter how uncomfortable it is for others to hear. Each of us need to understand ourselves and what we deal with.
Finding your voice
Finding my voice, finding your voice, having a voice for the first time, gives you the freedom to choose. However hard or uncomfortable your journey is for others, it is your journey. You need to choose what is right for you. It is important to have people in your lives who don't stand in judgment.
I am relieved. I am proud of what I have achieved, what I have been able to accomplish. The thought of going to the grave was never far.
This morning I was thinking about this. It is why I have such fears about speaking out, but it's not too hard to figure out.
I was made to feel extremely guilty by my parents about pretty much everything. They brainwashed me, with rules of 'don't talk, don't think, don't feel' which created that paralyzing fear that has kept me trapped for most of my life.
I still have to battle that crippling fear on a daily basis. It would be good for me to finally be able to have my voice heard.
Thanks Randy. I get you. Yes, it's always much harder to finding our voice.
It's all about being mentally proactive, being mentally active in the way you want your life to go. Don't limit yourself to just let things happen.
Whilst we physically can't change our past, we can change our thinking around our past and our attitude to those who hurt us.
Those others will still be responsible, but we'll cope better knowing we can mentally move on and shape how we wish our lives to go.
I am delighted you were able to tell your story after such a long time of not understanding you even had a disability.
It's the least you deserve and I am certain anyone else would do exactly the same as you and try to find out.
The difference is, I doubt they would have done it with such good grace and positivity.
Thank you! I am happy to leave this with you.