It doesn’t matter how much we talk from the heart, sometimes the people we’re trying to talk to, don’t want to hear what we need to say. It’s only in those moments that we may begin to realise that we're left with no alternative but to walk away.
Wouldn’t life be great if we had control over other people’s thoughts? Not so that we can control their every move, or even their thinking, just so they can see what we see, understand what we understand and make those changes so that we can move forward together.
Speaking from the heart
Usually, it’s not that the other person disagrees with what we say. When we speak from the heart, nine times out of ten the other person may not always know how to deal with what we say, so won't know what to say. I've had that but I've also had experience, where I've tried to reach out and people don’t want to hear, although I know that on some level what I was saying did resonate with them.
The signs are often there; it's knowing what to look out for. When someone doesn't want to hear or change, they will never accept what we say and therefore may choose to walk away and there's nothing we can do about it. People don’t always want to try, because to try means having to face the truth. They would rather walk away and do nothing, than accept that what we're saying is the truth.
Speak your own truth
But we must always speak our own truth, regardless of the outcome. Whether our truth concurs with someone else's truth is immaterial. We must always sew a seed and speak our truth, regardless of the circumstances or consequences. We shouldn’t have to conform, just because we don’t want to rock the boat. I had to change.
As a child, I was continually keeping the peace, I never chose to rock the boat with certain family members, but it never made my life any better. People still took advantage. Now I choose to just live my life.
You've just explained the relationship I have with my mom!
She never wants to hear what I have to say about her relationship with my daughter. She actually says, 'I don't want to hear it,' so I drop it. After a while I got tired of hearing her tell me to drop it and have just dropped it.
She knows how I feel and knows where she went wrong. I don't see her changing at all. My daughter has been taught that if she needs something she can go to nanny and more than likely she gets what she wants if she is persistent enough.
I know I need to make sure my mom understands me. If she won't listen I guess I can write her a letter and try to explain things that way. I have always been good at writing my feelings in a letter or card.
This is your call Lisa. Of course grandparents have a place with their grandchildren, but this seems to have been very damaging for both of you.
I know how difficult it is to speak to our parents. Some parents are happy to be told what we feel they need to hear, but others simply won't be told. They tend to take it as a personal slur on them as opposed to their behaviour.
Don't be put off. If you feel more comfortable putting something in writing to your mom then that's fine, but you should always continue to try until you get the results you want. It's a shame your mother is being self-righteous about it all. You are well within your rights.
You deserve to have a relationship with your daughter on your terms without your mum's interference. Good luck.
If there is no desire to change one's behavior it will not happen. I find that sometimes it is best to walk away.
I had a case in my own family where I tried to make a situation better for years. The other person did not respond at all, so to save myself major frustration I gave up. There must be effort of both sides before change will happen.
You're right Randy, there must be effort on both sides before change will happen, but we have to at least try. Each scenario is different of course.
I think once we've tried to say what we feel, if things don't change for the better then, it would be right to give up and walk away. We can only do so much. I agree.