I stagnated for many years. Getting knocked back doesn’t have to be just done in the form of an interview. It can happen when someone close goes off at the deep end, pulls us down, shuts us off without communication and where our values begin to feel threatened.
It’s not always easily rectified either, unless the other person is ready to deal with and take responsibility for their presenting behaviour. Although it’s not easy, we must try to see the bigger picture so that we don’t take what's said personally.
There is always a reason, but that's no excuse for anyone making us feel bad. Instead choose to live in the present without making your issues about other people so you don't have to go on the defensive.
You're right. We shouldn't take our problems out on someone else, but we do anyway.
My daughter does this to me so I know how it feels, but I don't pay her any attention when she gets like that. I don't do it either. I used to when I was much younger but I've learned to live in the present and I know it's my problem not someone else's.
I feel like I've been getting knocked back my whole life so most of the time it doesn't register when it happens.
I actually had an instance of that happen yesterday when my sister called and was mad because our father couldn't seem to hear her on the phone. She didn't seem to want to hear that his hearing is just fine, but he chooses to have selective hearing.
It was just so random and out of the blue it did knock me back, but I had to accept that it's her issue, not mine, because she's not able to see him in person right now.
When I actually thought about it, there isn't much difference between the way he is now and the way he always was. He never really listened most of the time and did seem to have selective hearing, which is always such fun when you're a kid. I don't know where my sister is coming from emotionally, so I didn't really know how to respond to her, other than giving her the facts.
I don't deal well with feeling like I'm being attacked,and/or being interrogated, so I'll usually just shut down. I learned well how to practice selective hearing too, at times; so it seems like I did inherit a few things from my father, after all!
Yes families are never easy to deal with.
We usually find behaviour traits which works for us, or in your sister's case not so much, which made it more difficult for you when you were only trying to help your father.
Stress is usually the reason why we deal with each other in the way you outline in your blog and unfortunately from experience can happen in families. With friends we tend to fair better.
I hope it won't be too long Randy before things change for you.
What hurts the most is when a member of your own family makes you feel bad. It's not easy not taking it personally.
When this has happened to me, it's difficult to get over it, but I remind myself that their actions are a reflection of them not of me.
You're absolutely right and I agree. Thanks Maria.
When someone completely shuts us off or pulls us down without the process of communication, it leaves us with the feeling of abandonment and even worthlessness to some degree; I've been there, very recently.
But we do not know what other people are going through and what demons they are fighting. Sometimes we get caught in the eye of other people’s storms.
When we are vulnerable it is easy to get caught in the web of someone else's nightmare.
Thanks Tim! Ditto on your thoughts.