This is the first time in a long time that I have had so many negative feelings, brought on by so much negativity going on around me. What I was going to write about today I will write about tomorrow.
My job today is to turn my negative feelings around, so that I can concentrate on the positive aspects to my day. The cerebral palsy issue doesn't seem to be bothering me today. I'm not sure why, but maybe I'm becoming more positive, by not giving myself time to dwell on what I would normally see as negative.
I will also try to bring an acceptance on how I came to have cerebral palsy. I will ring up the hospital where I was born, to see if my medical notes are still available. After 47 years, however, I am not pinning my hopes on finding anything.
I have partly reconciled myself on what I already know, having discussed this with my neurologist, who agreed that it probably happened during the birth, all the facts point that way. I cannot change the course of events on that day knowing it could have been avoided. I have to manage and accept that it happened.
I know that to dwell on the negative will hurt me more, make me more angry, or ill. But it's time for me to move on, although I appreciate that will take some time.
Yeah we can't change events of the past but we can look to the future and make it better. I always feel ill when I dwell on things that have already happened. We can learn from the past and change the future. You have a bright future and you're a very smart person. You're doing great with your site, its a very positive place for everyone that visits.
Thanks Lisa for your encouraging words. I know you are right. When I wrote this blog today, I hadn't spoken to the hospital but now I have, I have so many emotions I need to work through, so that I can bring some form of acceptance into the equation.
I feel let down by so many people who should have protected, encouraged and helped me. I am sure tomorrow my thinking will be clearer, today I feel as though I am in a daze.
Thank you for your kind words of my site. Yes this is probably what is keeping me going right now. You have been wonderful, thank you for helping me keep this up.
Please don't dwell on things of the past, it doesn't do you any good. I don't wish to see you sick...It's good to stay on the positive side of things, you are a positive person so I expect you will stay that way. Sorry about your records...Maria J.
Thanks Maria. I am not intending to dwell. I do feel, however, that I have to go through the negative of what I feel so that I can understand what I have just been told. To deny my feelings will only cause me more pain in the longer term. I will deal and do what I have to, not sure what but tomorrow things will be clearer. They always are. I will also journal some more of my thoughts out.
Thanks for your concern as always.
About 2 years ago I went to the hospital where I was born to try to get information on my birth. I couldn't get any because they told me that after about 10 years they destroy those records. Today's world of digital records are more accessible, but I was born in the 70's when it was all paper records.
I have that same problem Bill, although they waited 35 years to destroy my records. I was lucky, but not lucky enough.
...on another note me and my sister were delivered by the same doctor, however my brother was delivered by a diferent doctor. Me and my sister both have CP, my brother doesn't. Makes me wonder what the doctor did.
You are absolutely right. Wasn't paying too much attention when he should have been! Sorry you're here too.