Learning to live Alongside Loss and Silence

Some experiences change you quietly.

For me, that change came through learning I had a disability late in life, and the slow understanding that grief isn't always about losing other people. Sometimes it's grieving the life you imagined for yourself, or the version of you that existed without you having control.

I used to think healing meant finding resolution. Now I think it's learning to live alongside your truth without letting it define you. There is a particular loneliness in feeling unseen. When your reality has been minimised, healing becomes something you carry privately.

Mental health is not linear. It's slow – learning when to speak, when to stay silent, when to protect your peace, and when to gently assert your truth. Over time, you learn to accept that not everyone will understand your experiences. More importantly, you learn that their understanding is not required for your healing: as your understanding isn't required for their healing.

Healing is private, personal and individual.

There is strength in choosing boundaries. There is courage in acknowledging pain. And there is quiet resilience in continuing to move forward, even when the path ahead feels uncertain.

I am still learning what it means to carry growth and grief at the same time – to honour what was lost. My journey is not about resolution. My experiences don't point to a resolution. But it is about learning to live alongside the truth instead of trying to outrun it.

If there is one thing you come to understand, it's that healing doesn't require your permission. It doesn't need to be explained, justified, or validated. It asks only for your honesty to sit with it, and the willingness to keep going.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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