In October 2006, I didn't know it was to be my family's first and last holiday abroad. We were in St Paul de Vence, in the South of France, it was also the very start of my cerebral palsy journey, although I could never have known that at the time.
St Paul de Vence
We stayed in a small country hotel where each room was named and the room we stayed in was called ‘Mas Estelle’. Three years after that in May 2010, and with my cerebral palsy diagnosis, I started my website The CP Diary.
I remember thinking how odd it was that my children had been given the bigger room, given we were the parents, but I could never have known that our room Mas Estelle, would become synonymous with Ilana Estelle, 'my writing name.'
I just remember thinking how cool it was that I was staying in a room, named after me. But I was envious of the fact that my children had the bigger, more spacious room. It was a brighter colour and I automatically gravitated towards it.
By comparison, our room was smaller, and a lot darker. I didn't know why I was gravitating, but spirit does work in mysterious ways. I also didn’t know about sensory issues then, or why the bright colours and space, seemed to work better for me
My Book Journey
In June 2016, 9 years after that ‘my book journey’ written under my pseudonym name, ‘Ilana Estelle,’ (my first and middle name) started to take shape. The universe had started to pave the way for me to do what I’m doing now.
Divine timing
If like me you are a believer, you will know that through divine timing things happen for a reason. The CP Diary and my first Book Cerebral Palsy: ‘A Story’ were fated long before I knew they were, as was my second book, which is out in September 2021.
When you look at the divine timing of how things work, it is easy to see why the path I crossed was always meant for me. Spirit had already mapped out this life for me and needed me to believe.
The Universe
It is only when we look back, that we can see the chain of events of how we get to certain places. We are continually supported by the the universe. Each decision we make links us to the universe, and links us back to our lives, explains why things work out the way they do, but we need to be open to its teachings.
Mum's terminal illness
On returning home, I went to see mum, and as I sat in her lounge, and she told me about her terminal illness and then turned her attention to something pressing, something on her mind. Literally, from nowhere, she came out with: 'it was a difficult birth.' Her words would be the start of my cerebral palsy journey.
If you fancy reading either of my books, you can grab paperback and Kindle copies on Amazon, or through the following link https://linktr.ee/Ilana_Estelle
Yes, it's only when you look back that you can see how things aligned to work out the way they did. My biggest regret has been the way things worked out with my daughter, whose life could have been so much better, despite her Cerebral Palsy had I been there for her.
This was exactly why I gave her a copy of your book, so it would be an inspiration for her. My biggest hope right now, is that I can find a way to break through the barriers and build a relationship with her, to be the dad that she really needs now.
One can only hope!
Thanks Randy. She has got my book, I am sure what she has or is reading, will bring about a different thinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you replay this scenario out in your head, you will always come up with a different thinking, and a different version that may make you feel uncomfortable. Don't be too hard on yourself. You too have had your own things to deal with.
With many influences in her life, there is only so much you can do. I would choose to take the brakes off thinking about it and perhaps revisit this later on.
Sometimes we must come to our own conclusions. All you can do is wait for that to happen and take the onus of yourself.
Just in case you needed confirmation of your journey, a wonderful memory like this pops back into your conscious to remind you that your path was mapped out for you long before you could ever have known.
The universe had its intentions all along, it was just waiting for the right time to tell you.
Thanks. Yes, they were memorable experiences.
I am happy to leave this one with you, suffice to say, I am pleased and grateful spirit reaffirms and continues to validates what I am doing with my blog and my books for others too.