We’ve all gone through the process of growing up, with some of us enjoying the experience more than others.
It is virtually impossible to determine how each child will develop in reality, because so many factors need to be taken into consideration. We need to look at the obvious influences that shape a child’s world; including genetics, parenting, extended family, schools and relationships. They all have an impact.
We choose the life we live
I know from my own upbringing, how it all works. As the adult, I actively chose to live a different way to any parential influences. In my formative years, although my character was largely determined to some extent by the main influences in my life that of my parents and genetics, I continue to choose to shape my own influences through my spiritual beliefs, so that my life fits perfectly for me and I fit perfectly into my life.
Influences and Impact
The strongest influences will always have the biggest impact on us, but that’s where the similarities end. I also believe that consciously being aware of the many influences, will allow us to determine whether those influences are good for us, or whether those influences need to change. Those influences are responsible for how we get to live our lives.
Feeling guilty is no reason for not changing
Unfortunately, many of us in our lifetime will stick with the same influences, either because we feel guilty, or we’re afraid of making any new changes. The hard part is making sure that any changes we go on to make, are also changed by the people we choose to continue to keep in our lives, otherwise it defeats the object of change.
There will always be certain areas of our lives that we can't change, but having children of our own and helping them understand, who their good influences are, will help them address and make any new changes for themselves.
I'm one of those that had a good childhood. It changed when I became a teen and got into the bad influences and tried to make friends by being bad. Go along with the crowd, I tried to blend in and do the 'in' thing.
I've tried to instill the better influences in my children's lives, but they are both stubborn and really don't listen to me very well.
Not that they are really bad adults just that they don't have very good taste in friends and acquaintances.
Thanks Lisa. I didn't have a chance to get into the wrong crowd and looking back that part of my childhood was right.
I know from my other experiences growing up, we tend to instill the opposite in our children when we don't agree with something or have had the kind of experiences we don't want our children to follow, as you have.
Hopefully in time your children will realise what kind of influences their friends have on them. Although we see what goes on, children either don't see it because they're not mature enough, or they don't what to believe that the opinion we have of their friends is right. In time, it usually becomes obvious one way or another when something happens and the relationship changes.
It takes longer for children to see what their parents have known for a long time.
I commend you for swimming against the stream of your upbringing, rising above and bettering yourself. It takes a really strong willed person to do that.
You have raised two beautiful children, who I am sure love you to pieces. They have good morals and feelings and will become better parents themselves.
I think you both have armed them with the tools that they need to get ahead in life, which to me is the mark of a great parent.
Thank you. 🙂
Growing up I went to a regular school. As far as the CP was concerned I had 5 operations through a 12 year span. My operations were always in the summer as to not interfere with school.
I did not have a lot of friends at school because we lived in the country. High school was better for making friends.
The one thing that my parents did was to not treat me any different than abled bodied children, although they were somewhat over-protective at times.
Living in the country I did feel isolated, but I loved and still do love listening to music. It has a calming affect on me.
From what you say, it sounds as though your childhood was different because you were dealing with CP. Your parents' influences will have been based around your experiences with your 5 operations and having to deal with CP and the fact that you lived in the country.
My parents were overprotective with us girls so I didn't get to experience what other teenagers go out and experience with their friends.
We will never really know in the true sense whether those friend's influences will have been good or bad, but I still believe it's those influences that shape us, so it's important to get them right.
Only now can I even begin to work on getting past all of the negative influences in my life. I often joke that my mother should have worked for the CIA, since she did such a good job of brainwashing me.
I ended up finding out the hard way that I was mentally crippled, when I went into the Army and didn't know how to connect with them in any way. It ended up being the first time I disassociated, to the point of totally losing my touch with reality.
I'm still very much out of tune with the real world, so I have to really work hard on getting back to it. I'm hoping and praying that I can do that before too much more of my life passes me by!
I'm pleased you feel ready to move on from all the negative influences in your life. it's a very positive move.
I hope that 2013 proves to be a better year for you. I have every confidence that you can do this.