Living with impaired emotions through cerebral palsy means emotionally means I live with less motivation and inner-drive.
Neurologically my emotions are impaired, which means I have very little motivation. Cerebral Palsy is one factor and with no emotional support I would always struggle to get off the starting block.
With a physical disability that affects you mentally, there will be elements of an emotional struggle. In my own case, I would start things that never got finished and through my inability to function normally, I very quickly became trapped and misunderstood over the tasks others thought I should have finished.
As a result I failed to gain momentum because everything was difficult. Given my physical and psychological difficulties, even if I had have wanted to improve my life, I would have struggled. I was trapped in a world where no one understood or cared. I retreated into my own little world.
There was nothing I could improve on, so nothing improved. I had no goals, ambition or objectives. I existed. The environment I grew up in was another contributing factor. Other causes for a lack of motivation are chronic illness, trauma, depression, being stressed, anxiety, insomnia and low self-esteem.
Anything we struggle with that causes us to cope less with our life, is when we lose our motivation and inner-drive.
It's not surprising that I don't have much of an inner-drive, considering the way I grew up. My parents wouldn't have noticed anything I did on top of my mother brainwashing me to do her bidding.
It just gave me a sense of having no hope or reason to accomplish anything that would truly be mine. I'm having to look back on my childhood now, which I have avoided for so long because it is just so painful to deal with!
People can't really understand this, which makes it so much harder when they say things like, 'just get over it!' I have one friend who had a similar childhood who knows what it was like which is great. He can identify with what I'm talking about and where I'm coming from.
I guess you can say that we speak the same language which is fantastic. We have talked about a lot of what our childhoods were like but there are things that I haven't discussed even with him.
Now is the time that I have to find the motivation to do things that I have always wanted to but my guilt, shame and remorse has kept me from doing so. I know that I need to break the chains that bind me, so to say and break the cycle that has haunted both sides of my family.
There is an inner-drive deep down in me that needs to be let loose so I can do what I need to in the time I have left!
I think some of us will have been where you are Randy. I certainly have, but know you have it in you to change where you are.
The sad reality is that the majority of us are far more capable than we think we are. Because of our upbringing we tend to think we're stuck and stay stuck for most of our adult life, until something happens in our life to change the way we think.
I too was stuck, had very little motivation and inner drive, but something happened around the same time I came out of counselling where I needed to take control and that's what prompted me to take control. When counselling didn't work for me and I came out, I realised I needed to help myself because no-one was going to do it for me.
When we find a way to be in control, we naturally become more motivated. The something I had to deal with made me more motivated and gave me inner-drive. I believe you can too Randy.
Throughout my lifetime I have struggled with inner-drive, in part because of CP. It can be difficult to have the desire to go out and accomplish things when physically I don't have the energy to do so.
I also think the lack of support and understanding of my family, along with everyday stress diminishes my desire to even try to accomplish things.
Thanks Maria. Ditto on your thoughts and I agree. We have lived the same life, but what you have is your self-worth, which you have managed to accomplish by yourself, which no-one can take away from you. Given what you've had to deal with and still have to deal with Maria, that is the biggest accomplishment any one can have, because that in itself isn't easy.
Sometimes we have to cut our cloth, understand our life and equate our accomplishments based on our life and what we manage to achieve, given that life. You have done that Maria. Be proud. Our self-worth accounts for everything. Without our self-worth we will have very little.