Invisible neglect is simple in its definition and powerful in its effects. But whatever our experiences growing up with neglect, it is important to accept it, and then take back control.
Invisible Neglect
Invisible neglect goes unnoticed or unchecked. It is the most common form of neglect. Unless children consciously connect with what's happening around them, they won't be aware they are being neglected, primarily because their experiences become the norm. It's not something they will stop to think about.
Invisible Neglect Colours our 'Adult' Lives
But if invisible neglect is allowed to continue, it will colour that child's entire adult life. It's more likely to happen in families where children want for nothing – in terms of material and monetary worth.
Living in 'Denial'
When you don’t see or look for things that fail to happen, our brains fail to record those things. On your part you may live in denial that invisible neglect has happened – that others would wittingly choose to ignore your needs. It's difficult for anyone who cares to comprehend.
It is only when children start to move on with their lives and build their relationships that they will sense something is wrong and may fail to pinpoint how they feel. They may live with that feeling and not do anything about it.
Invisible is a good way to put it as that's how I felt most of the time growing up. My parents were oblivious to what was going on with us, unless they needed or wanted something from us which was confusing.
We never knew what to expect from them which seemed just as bad as being abused. It was stressful wondering what could happen from moment to moment, let alone day to day.
As you say, it does eventually end up becoming the norm, which people sometimes have a hard time comprehending, but I have siblings who can attest to what it was like.
I'm now figuring out what I can control, and that makes such a difference.
Thanks Randy. Yes, no abuse is acceptable or something anyone should condone, but invisible abuse in so many ways is much worse, particularly when you don't see it as abuse and it becomes the norm.
No child should not know what to expect from a parent. I'm pleased you're through the other end. All you can do is look back on those times, find understanding, and choose a different ending.
I go back to the point that no parent goes to school to learn how to parent, but us wanting to do our best is a good place to start.