"As a child, I carried anger – an irritation that continually simmered beneath the surface, sparked by the unspoken injustice. I lashed out with words, my only way of making sense of what I couldn’t understand.

I was living with a disability I didn’t yet know I had. My emotions were tangled and raw. I didn’t know how to process them, let alone express them. With the right support, my anger could have reduced – the edges smoothed. It wasn’t my fault. I was navigating something bigger than me – something I didn’t have the tools to understand.

Extreme Anger

Extreme anger stems from a build-up of small irritations. We should learn to stand back, it’s the only way we get to feel the emotion. We should give ourselves time to work through each emotion, to try to understand why we feel what we feel, to be able to find new perspective.

Anger doesn't Wait

Anger doesn’t wait to strike, it hits at any moment, moments when we’re not always prepared. When we delay dealing with anger that’s when it can turn toxic, particularly when we avoid it altogether. We should take and own our responsibility, how the situation led us to where we are, others should do the same for themselves.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “Irritated and Angry”

  1. Boy, I can definitely relate to those feelings, seeing as I was always angry, but I never quite understood why.

    My parents never really seemed to notice that I was lashing out at everyone and everything so I can understand what you're talking about.

    Only recently did I figure out that you can only stuff those feelings for so long, before they start to do what I call "coming out sideways" which only makes things worse.

    I have spent most of my life trying to live like a vulcan or an android, trying to pretend like I didn't have any feelings at all, but I'm only human.

    It would be fantastic to enjoy learning how to live like a human being.

    1. Thanks Randy. You and me both. You and I have lived similar lives Randy. I feel for you too. It has taken me a lot of years to also understand my irritations and anger.

      Where your parents didn't know you were lashing out, my parents knew, but always put it down to me rather than it being about a disability I didn't know I had that was irritating me.

      I must have been a nightmare and I understand that, but my problems were never about me. Your problems were not about you.

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