We get a bad press. We’re judged, not because we’ve said or done something to the other person, but by association and usually with family.

For the person being judged, it’s not funny because of the hard time and the bad press they get, but it's also not something they can go back in and change. It would be up to the person who is doing the judging to change and to stop judging.

If we’re guilty of being judged, then we deserve what we get back, but judging someone because of prejudices that are reflected in our unconscious behaviour towards the person we're judging isn't right. Unconsciously we're making decisions about that person's family background, and moral standings.

It is difficult being judged, particularly, if we're the ones who are constantly in the firing line, because we're continually being associated with someone they're having a hard time with, which isn't us.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Judgment by association”

  1. I totally agree with you. It is wrong to judge a person just because they are related or are affiliated with someone or something.

    My sister and I are two totally different people. We do have agreements on some things but we are mostly different people. When we were in school, people would say things to my sister or assume things of her just because she was my sister and I had a sort of bad reputation, so they assumed she was the same as me.

    That was just plain wrong.

    1. Absolutely! Thanks Lisa. As your case with your sister has shown why it's wrong for people to judge others in this way. Thanks for being so open about it.

      This scenario has been my life.

  2. Yes, guilt by association can be a very hard thing to deal with at times!

    I still find myself not mentioning my father's name around here because a lot of people knew about him and not in a good way. Suffice to say that he burnt a lot of bridges with family and people who trusted him.

    I've spent many years trying to distance myself from his legacy. My biggest hope is knowing that I'm not the same type of person he was.

    1. Thanks Randy. Whether you mention your father's name or not you still have the problem by association, but hopefully people will judge you on your own legacy and not that of your father's legacy.

      From your responses I know you're not like you father. Your thinking is completely different. I hope you know that too.

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