Living with guilt is not about excusing other people's past mistakes that had a bearing on you and your life, because the memories of those can leave its mark, but it's about learning to release the emotional weight and moving forward with understanding, self-awareness and compassion towards your own personal growth, so that you can heal.

Guilt and Anger issues

I carried the guilt, regret over how I was parented and why it took until my forties, to find out about a disability I didn't know I had. But the issues didn't end there. There was so much more I needed to know about. Ignorance isn't bliss and I was in pain. But the guilt was never mine to carry, and without any apologies it had nowhere to go. The guilt eventually manifested itself in anger issues, something I was continually being blamed for.

A life less lived

As a result of helicopter parenting, I didn't travel the world or go to university. I left school at 16 and was booked on a secretarial course at a local college for two years, which I didn't want to do and hated. I struggled academically in school and mostly failed. I was a good girl. As I continued to live in ignorance, my parents and the educational system ignored and failed to deal with what I later learned was a physical, mental and emotional disability. The misplaced guilt I carried had no where to go.

I carried the guilt

For many years, I not only carried the guilt of failing in school; but also not knowing about my disability, later finding out I had originally been diagnosed at the age of 2. My life hasn't unfolded as I would have chosen it to, had I been given the freedom to make my own decisions. I think anyone who has been parented in this way will tell you the same thing. This is not unique to me.

Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting means the decisions being made for you, aren't being made with you in mind, they're made by the parents for the parents. Even if you were to look back, you'll see and know there was nothing you could do to change your experiences. Helicopter parents don't change – therefore we have to, and that's when the penny began to drop.

Not all history can be changed

When we can't change history, it becomes a part of our personal narrative. All we can do is reconcile, choose to let go and move on in healthy, constructive ways, allowing us to rebuild our lives.

My past isn't resolved

With no apologies in sight, those past experiences remain unresolved, and I can't change the events themselves. However, through my writing, I am able to reframe how I perceive those experiences. My writing doesn't excuse or justify the initial actions, as those responsibilities lie with those involved, but it does allow me to gain a deeper understanding of just how much I was affected and how I can learn to move forward with greater self-awareness and healing.

Conclusion

Growing up with helicopter parents was a mix of feeling supported and stifled. On one hand, my parents were always there to help, but on the other, it often felt like I had no room to make my own decisions, or learn from my mistakes. I was shielded from a lot of challenges, which seemed normal, but it left me feeling unprepared for many real-world situations. It took me a long time to build the confidence to trust my own judgment – I've had to work on my independence, which came too late and at a price. While I understand my life better now, there was also a lot of catching up to do when it came to figuring out how to manage my life. If you do resonate, how do you feel about your experiences and how do you cope now? Are you still dealing with helicopter parenting?

*Dedicated to all children now adults raised by helicopter parents.*