Navigating Life Without My Twin

I'm writing this like it happened yesterday. Losing my twin is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I wasn't ready to lose her.  You take it for granted that you will automatically go through the ageing process. With my twin gone, her loss comes with a profound numbness. As I struggle to grasp a life without her, I now have to continue to move forward and that will mean going through the ageing process alone.

Loss: And Moving Forward

How do I move forward when I carry the weight of uncertainty around her loss? Perhaps my answer is to honour the grieving process. To recognise and understand the loss and to acknowledge that my life is continuing without her. Right now, it's difficult to comprehend having to go through the ageing process without my twin. Perhaps the way for anyone to see ageing is not as a burden, but as a privilege – for me, it's a chance to remember our lives together – but I'm lonely. 

I Still Grapple with Her Loss

I hate being on my own. It'll be 3 years in December – and  I still grapple with her loss. I still can't believe she's gone. I'm trying to approach it with the right intention. To remain open, to moving forward, knowing my twin is healed in spirit and that she will want the same for me. 

Have you lost a loved one, someone really close, or someone who wasn't close, but you still feel their absence? Why not join the conversation and let us know your thoughts.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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