Losing a twin is a kind of loss no one prepares you for, least yourself. It’s not just losing the other half of you. It’s like losing your reflection. As the world keeps moving, part of you can't, because half of you is missing.
Surviving twin loss means you're the one who still has to exist in a world without your twin. It's numbing, lonely, and it's scary. I am slowly learning to edge forward. I am learning to keep my twin close, not in a loud way – but in the small things.
Through my writing and talking to her. Letting her exist in my day. My twin was my compass, as I was hers, even through the difficult times. It's not guilt I feel. I still live the trauma and with tinnitus that I cannot control, and with an entirely different life without her – it's something I exist with.
But for other twinless twins, I get how you feel. A life you once shared, is no longer the life you're living. But your experiences with your twin can never diminish. You can live and still carry your twin with you. If you live with guilt for being the surviving twin, it's okay to say you feel guilty. Your twin wouldn't want you to carry the guilt and will want you to be okay.
Crossing over, gives a whole new perspective.
It can feel heavy, it feels heavy for me too, but it gets lighter, the more you talk about how you feel.
Where you find it difficult to move forward from the loss, it is important to remember that how you feel can change. You can live beside sadness, beside everything that you go on to experience without your twin. They are part of your soul, part of you. That can never diminish.
Letting go isn't about forgetting, it's about letting yourself breathe next to the loss. Moving forward isn't leaving your twin behind. Your bond can never disappear; it simply changes shape.
