The thing about being a twin, or part of any set means that you will always see yourself and your life that way. Since my twin passed two years ago, life is difficult and it is different now.
Being part of a twin shaped my world. It shaped the lens through which I saw my world, the good and the bad. It wasn't just about having someone by my side from birth, it was about the way my identity was formed in relation to hers. We grew up being accustomed to being part of a 'WE' so now it feels lonely, almost impossible to live as just 'I'.
With my twin no longer here I have lost part of myself. The symmetry of my existence has been cut. Everything feels disjointed. As I continue to navigate an already difficult world, I do so in solitude. The reflection I saw everyday is missing. The internal rhythm of my existence in being a twin is forever altered.
Truthfully, I'm lonely and she's gone prematurely. Mentally and emotionally it now takes an effort for me to put one foot in front of the other. The past never leaves it lives in today. The relationship we had, the good and the bad, walks with me every day. It's difficult to comprehend those days are not a reality anymore, but the truth of those days linger.
There is the odd day when I reconcile and things feel easier, then on other days, I struggle to comprehend I'm here on my own. Although I see myself as independent, losing a twin has made me realise just how deeply entwined our lives were.
