Although I was mentally stuck as a child, I made a conscious effort to make sure I wasn’t also set in my ways.
I’ve heard it said that the older we are the more likely we are to be and remain set in our ways, but I believe we get to call the shots. We can choose. When we see the choices we make having already laid the foundations for something that we’ve built on, we’re less likely to stay set in our ways.
We tend to measure our beliefs against our circumstances, then when we’ve weighed up the alternatives, we come to settle into those beliefs, without feeling we’ve closed our mind to openness or change. People around us reinforce our beliefs, so it's important we’re not around people who close our mind.
Ever since I was a child, my mind was always open. I have seen what happens when we’re set in our ways, we change very little, we never get to expand our thoughts and as a consequence fail to look for the possibilities.
I have chosen to do things differently. I chose a new way of seeing and understanding the world. In effect, I have chosen to carve out my own life. I believe age is immaterial, we've just got to want to make a choice to change.
It can be a very hard decision to choose a different way of life. I have lived one way for so long that even when I knew better, I would choose to repeat the same patterns, over and over, even if it meant I was only existing!
I have suffered with that I'm not worthy feeling, since I was a small child. I never understood why I feel I was sent back after almost dying from pneumonia to suffer the way I have. It has felt to me like I have lived many lifetimes, repeating the same mistakes, trying to get things right to break the cycle once and for all!
Most people going through what I have will choose to eventually give up and just exist or decide to take their own lives. I have done both, but obviously I'm still here so it must be for a reason! My biggest struggle has been battling to help people when often times they don't really seem to want to help themselves.
It's so very hard to make the choice to let people like this go, even when it's family! The reality is that eventually you have to decide, like a lifeguard, as to whether you're going to be able to save them or drown with them because they're fighting you.
Thanks to the great advice from such strong people like Ilana, I have been able to choose to save the only person I can, when it comes down to it... myself. If someone asks for my help and is really willing to accept it to help themselves, then the efforts wouldn't be in vain!
The reality is that if I can save even one person in this life, then it will have had some meaning. People seem to think having all the material stuff will make you happy, but from experience, it doesn't! My choice at this point is just to become the father I always wanted to be and to be at least a decent human being to everyone else!
Awww thank you. I'm pleased I have been able to help. I have to say you're absolutely right in what you say. 'When it comes down to it we choose to save the only people we can and that is ourselves.' You yourself have come to that decision, it doesn't matter why or how, what matters is that you made the decision. That's what counts.
I also believe you were meant to come back to this life, (even when you wish you hadn't) because your life wasn't and isn't finished. You can choose to make a difference for yourself. We all can and should and although that may permanently seem out of our reach, it's not as far out of our reach as we think.
The CP Diary is testament to that. We just need a change of attitude, a different perception and it's full steam ahead. It's amazing what we can do with a change of attitude towards our life and the people in it. That's often all it takes for us to turn something around.