We spend our lives making allowances for people. As parents, we make allowances. We compensate or allow for things depending on what our children have to deal with.
As a child growing up with difficulties, an allowance was made on my day out to the hospital each year. A problem with it, is that we’re already being singled us out as being different when all we want to do is fit in, although in that moment it does take the pressure off.
For some our confidence and self-esteem may be hit by the allowances that are made, I know that because as I child I was already dealing with confidence issues. Making allowances seemed to add to my confidence issues. Making any form of allowance will always put a slant on our relationships too as other people will be affected by how we interact with them, through those allowances.
Away from any allowance, I believe that in order to cope better in our lives we have to learn to stand on our own two feet. It’s the only way we learn how to cope with what we have to deal with. As the adult this is exactly what I have chosen to done.
When allowances are made for us we don’t learn, we just accept when something is being permitted and that’s not the same thing.
The only time I can think of when allowances were made for me was in school.
My mom would come daily around lunch time and prepare my lunch for me because with diabetes I needed to follow a certain diet and she would measure out everything that I was going to eat from what the school had prepared for that day. I felt special, it didn't bother me at the time.
I think certain allowances have to be made for kids with certain disabilities. It may seem unfair to others, but with what that person has to live with, is it fair that they can't live a very normal life?
As parents we should make things as normal as possible for our children especially the ones that have disabilities. As a teen I didn't get to enjoy the normal stuff with my classmates due to my diabetes. My parents were afraid that something would happen to me if I went on a class trip over night.
My sister got to enjoy all the stuff with her classmates, as she didn't have any problems. I don't remember my sister ever complaining about the allowances made for me, but I'm paying for the allowances now.
My father wouldn't let me get a job when I was younger, so he paid for everything I needed like cars and college. Now that both of my parents are gone, my sister is getting the biggest part of their estate. My mother said it was only fair due to everything my father did for me when I was younger.
I don't think it is fair. I didn't choose to get the cars or to go off to college or get a job. I wanted to work and pay for my own way. I think my parents went too far in this situation, but you can't keep looking back and wishing things were different.
My parents didn't fail me, but the choices they made raising me weren't right in my opinion. There isn't any way to turn it around now, so why dwell on it.
Parents make mistakes with their special needs children. I think parents should really think about things first and then decide on the way that seems right. How will things affect the child in the future? Will the decision they make have a big bearing on the child later in life?
They should try to make things as normal as possible without causing chaos in the future.
Thanks Lisa. Your response tells a story Lisa and I have to say I agree with you. It sounds as though you did pay the penultimate price of your parents constantly making allowances. It just wasn't something that happened for you in school, it seems throughout your life too.
I think you're right about parents taking time to think about choices for their children. I know that if my parents had thought things through a little more and had worked on each scenario individually, they probably would have done things differently. When we work out of ignorance (and I say that with the utmost respect) it's often because we know very little about what our children may have to deal with.
Either way, what you had wasn't fair, particularly as they weren't your choices and you didn't ask for them. I think making allowances also has an enormous bearing on our relationships, particularly with our siblings; as you have articulately pointed out in your response.