I’m not sure what’s worse, making choices that turn out to be bad ones, or not having made any choices at all?
In hindsight and all things considered, personally I would rather have made some bad choices than not made any choices at all. Having been controlled all my life I never got to make any of my own choices.
Whilst I understand the process of why this has been my life, years on I am reminded of the life I haven’t had, the new scenarios I haven’t experienced, the new relationships I could have had, the places I could have visited and the life I could have lived, which isn’t my life now.
I don’t believe we can ever put a price on our experiences. Experiences are priceless regardless of whether they turn out to be good or bad ones, but we can put a price on never having had those experiences.
It’s the gentle reminders that keep cropping up, for me it's not the experiences themselves.
I, like you, wasn't able to make my own choices when I was younger. My parents made them for me and so I didn't get to experience a lot of things kids do while growing up.
I should have gone away to college, but my parents were afraid for me to go because of my diabetes. I didn't go on senior trips while in high school because my parents thought I would have problems. There are so many things I didn't get to experience which I should have.
I think when we're growing up we need to experience so we can learn about life. When I graduated high school and turned 18 and was driving I just let go and became rebellious against my parents. I know they worried about me terribly though.
I would come home very late and my mother would be sitting on the couch waiting up for me. It didn't faze me then, but now it bothers me that I put them through the things I did. My parents were very good people and I know they just wanted what was best for me but at that time they didn't really know what was best.
I worry about my kids now that they are out of the house and live further away than I would like. I know they have to live their lives and learn but, that doesn't stop me from worrying.
I understand your thoughts Lisa, but you rebelling has everything to do with your parents and nothing to do with you.
My parents were lucky I didn't rebel against their wishes, which is what you went on to do. Had your parents have understood you could still do the things you should have been able to do and educated themselves on your Diabetes, I am not sure you would have rebelled. That's the point.
A child will only rebel as a method to get attention. You being ignored was a consequence of their behaviour towards what you were dealing with, they ignored it! Medically your Diabetes will have had to have been managed, but that wouldn't have stopped you living your life, or doing the things other kids do at that age.
Going away to college was a natural progression of graduating High School. You should have gone and your parents should have helped you. All of this was for your parents to deal with, not you. I wouldn't let it bother you now.
I think not being able to make the choices and decisions is wrong, irrespective of whether those choices and decisions are right or wrong. That is precisely how we learn and grow and it is a parent's obligation to ensure they give their children the opportunities and experiences that will shape their future lives.
The only positive thing I can say from your experience is that you had a great lesson in how not to do things and you have utilised that wisely and have changed things for your children.
You can't turn back the clock but you have done the one thing you can do and that is to break the chain.
Thank you. Yes I broke the chain! I wouldn't want my children to have had the same emotional experiences around such negativity.