My thoughts and feelings constantly change, but often I also feel I’m stuck in a rut. I notice that when I’m dealing with stress, which I have been over the last few days, I feel more insecure about my Cerebral Palsy issues.

I also find that the strength I have and the determination to work through what I have to, is spent having to work through other areas of stress, which has a knock on effect on the way I feel about Cerebral Palsy.

My brain fatigue gets worse when I'm dealing with stress. My thoughts seem muddled, I don't seem to be able to think straight. A couple of times last week I came to write my blogs and when I’d finished, although the individual paragraphs made sense, there were no link ins to what I was trying to write about.

My Cerebral Palsy issues have been known to get in the way. I know that if I had always known I had Cerebral Palsy, I wouldn't be going round in circles now because of the frustration and the fact that I am dealing with now what I should have dealt with back then.

Right now, I am still waiting for final confirmation on a letter I sent back to my Neurologist over a week ago. I know that if I get a letter back, whatever he says I will bring acceptance on that.

As for wanting to bring acceptance on all my symptoms, depending on what comes back in the letter, it may take more time to work on that.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “More on today's thoughts”

  1. Ilana I know how you feel. Some of the things you mention, happen to me, especially when I'm under stress, such as brain fatigue and confusion at times. I wish I was as smart as you and could help you in some way or another. I can be an ear and support system.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I am okay, it's just part of what I have to deal with. I normally take things in my stride, just had a particularly bad week. It will pass for sure.

  2. I think we all have a rough time accepting and then being able to move on. Don't be so hard on yourself, it will come in time.

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