My twin died in December 2022. The year firmly etched, and I'm struggling with the trauma, of the event. I'm also in the process of going through the motions of trying to move house, knowing this will be it.

With my twin now gone (and who lived 3 doors away from me for 31 years) the task of our potential move is now resting heavy. I know I can't stay, but also know it's not going to be easy starting a new life. The protective bubble I've been living in for the past 31 years no longer exists. And in Covid, it's making moving on a lot more difficult.

Losing a twin is a unique and difficult experience

Losing a twin is a unique and difficult experience. I know it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by the task of moving forward without her by my side. It's normal to feel the weight of the past 16 months and to struggle with the idea of starting a new life without her. I also know that if I took autism and Covid out of the equation all of this would feel pretty normal.

Moving House

Moving house for anyone is a big step, especially for me when it's happening under difficult circumstances. It's normal to feel hesitant and unsure about the next step in my life. I need to give myself permission to take things at my own pace.

I'm telling myself, it's okay for things not to feel "normal" right now – moving forward without my twin has become a complex and individual process, but I now need to prove to myself that I can do things on my own.

When events change

If my twin was still here and I had decided to move it would have felt more comfortable, than being forced to do something because my circumstances have changed, time has moved on and I am left with no choice.

Autism and being aware are my struggles. Writing helps me to have and find clarity. I need to walk through the experience that much is obvious, but the mental strain is weighing me down.