This has been a particularly hard blog for me to write. To realise our value as a person is to stop identifying ourselves as a victim. We stay a victim, because we fail to see our full worth and potential and instead allow others to take control.
Although I personally never equated not knowing I had cerebral palsy with being a victim, looking back that is exactly what I was, but abuse isn’t about the victim. It’s about someone else’s inability to see their own worth and the abuse being an expression of their worth.
I believe that when we’re able to see and understand that, we can work at change. When we come to work through circumstances that include abuse, we should be left with stability and a renewed compassion that has the potential to rid us of resentful and angry behaviour. Compassion is a stepping-stone that allows us to demand meaningful and lasting change in our relationships.
When we come to reclaim our sense of self, and return to who we were before the abuse, we will slowly begin to feel better in ourselves. When we can see the bigger picture through other people’s roles and how they made us feel, we will also come to understand our presenting behaviour better.
We must consciously choose whether we want to stay a victim or become victorious. From my own experiences, I believe that once we learn to deal with abuse, we will have the opportunity of reconnecting with ourselves and our lives once more.
Once again, your blog has perfect timing! I have finally come to decide that I want to move forward instead of feeling powerless like I always have. I grew up being brainwashed into believing that I didn't really have a choice.
It was easier to just give in and go along with whatever they wanted me to do. You eventually give up fighting and lose all hope when it seems like there's no way out. I'm sure I have mentioned it before, but my Mother should have worked for the CIA considering how good she was at brainwashing and breaking my spirit. My parents should have never had children considering what they put us through,as far as I'm concerned.
Obviously this points out one of many issues that I need to work on letting go of. Invalidation was the term that came up for me yesterday, which pretty much describes my childhood.
My parents didn't really notice or acknowledge our needs other than complain how much things would cost. I don't think they ever realized how badly that made us feel, like we were such burdens and I have carried that with me ever since. It made it nearly impossible to even consider taking care of myself first, rather than taking care of everyone else. The reality is that if I don't take care of myself, I won't be available to help anyone else!
People like to say things like, 'just get over it!' which isn't quite that easy if you've had messages drilled into your brain that keep playing in the back of your mind. It's hard to even imagine moving forward when you've lived dragging so many anchors in your life.
The biggest part of doing that is letting go of all those anchors. Part of that decision is realizing that most of the baggage isn't even mine, but the baggage my parents passed on to me. They were damaged in their own different ways, so I do have a small amount of compassion for them.
I have to focus on dealing with my own life, rather than everyone else's for a change!
Thanks Randy. I am pleased you have come to decide that you want to move forward. The hardest part is getting to that stage, but once we have made the decision, it does get easier.
From my own experience it's worth it to know we've let it go. It really is like a weight being lifted. I would love to know how you get on with moving forward and am happy to give you moral support.