It became clear to me that the more I struggled with what I didn't know I had in terms of what I later learned was a disability, the more I couldn’t live without knowing what it was. I say it again that I thought I would have to go to the grave without knowing. I couldn't get that thought away.
A disability is physically and mentally draining
Dealing with a disability is physically and mentally draining. I spent a chunk of my life with anger issues, uncertainties and irritations. I was in a catch-22. Blame was continually at my door because I was angry, and all I wanted was that my family talk about it.
I wanted to talk and ask questions
I wanted to know why muscle tone was different on my left side. I wanted to know why my left hand and arm felt weaker to my right, why my left foot looked different to my right, why I couldn’t pick my foot up properly when I walked; why I would continually drag my leg, why I wasn’t able to walk heel toe, or why I was told I needed to have a heel raise.
My many questions
I also wanted to know why each day was a chore in school, why I wasn’t getting school, why in class I was fixated on certain words, why I was constantly lagging behind; why my handwriting was so small and I was slow with my writing, and why when I was asked to make my outlines bigger, I couldn’t.
I know that if my questions had been addressed, I would have had some of those questions addressed. When mum found out she was dying, her words about a difficult birth prompted me to find out about me. Enormously proud, I am an author and writer now.
You can grab paperback and Kindle copies of my books through the following link https://www.thecpdiary.com/my-books
I have so many questions that I wasn't ever able to ask. I knew there were many things wrong, but my parents tried to make me believe everything was okay, to the point where I even started to believe it.
The worst part for me was they tried to make me believe I was the crazy one, for daring to question their actions, and I really thought I was.
It has been a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy; now that I know better, I am asking questions and finally getting those answers myself.
Randy I am pleased you're finally asking yourself questions and getting those answers yourself.
You're taking the initiative which is great. Sometimes we have no choice and sometimes we would always choose to take the initiative.
You were left with no choice, and although that's not okay, it is easy to draw your own conclusions and understandings by working on your intuition.
Your circumstances although different to mine are similar. I hope you can now bring closure on your own set of circumstances, so that you get the answers you seek.
Yours is indeed a book of many questions, but it's also a book of many answers. An antidote to all that is wrong with modern life.
Thanks. I am so pleased you see my book as 'an antidote to all that is wrong with modern life.' - I feel better for talking about what I deal with.
Through autism where I may struggle to do that, my website reigns me in. Without it, I would continue to be locked in my head with some of the old thoughts.