Writing about my childhood is important. It is important I write about the emotional struggles I experienced as a child; they seem completely relevant now.
I’ve talked about negative self-talk and how that can impact our lives. Growing up, I found it difficult to shift bad thoughts. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know how to move my thinking and as many times as I tried, I failed.
Although as children we don’t always understand our feelings, or how to identify with what we feel, living in a negative environment doesn’t help. Growing up I carried all the hallmarks of being insecure and having depression.
A lot of what we hear, see and experience in the early years plays a part in our emotions and in our lives. Insecure children, become insecure adults. Nothing changes, we just become good at masking our insecurities, so the outside world doesn’t see what we feel inside.
Insecurities and fears that cannot be placed or identified in that moment are also likely to go back further. Everything we hear or see is stored in our subconscious, recorded as a memory, together with the feelings that went with those experiences. To reduce our struggles, it’s important we think about and deal with those.
One of the most vivid memories from my childhood was when I was 7 or 8 years old my father and I were alone at home and he was packing his clothes and I didn't understand why and so he said rather bluntly that he was going to be moving very far away and I wouldn't see him for a very long time and then he walked out. Out of the house and out of my life.
I recall crying hysterically for a long time and finally a little bit at a time I recovered. He returned a few years later and would set up visits to take me places and invariably he would either show up late or not at all. It left me with a fear of abandonment and that led to a life of unhealthy relationships.
I worked hard to get over all of this and today I understand it wasn't me, it was him. I still have little patience with people that think they are going to leave me waiting. Today I know I'm worth more than that and just leave and go about my life.
In closing I believe that childhood struggles follow us into adulthood until we are able to cope with them.
I agree with you that childhood struggles do follow us into adulthood, but there are probably a lot of people out there who still struggle do deal with them. They won't always know how.
I really don't remember much about my childhood for some reason.
The one memory is when I went into the hospital for diabetes. I was 8 yrs old and the unpleasantness of needles and I remember telling my father I hated him. of course he knew I loved him but I also know that hurt him.
I think the low blood sugars I've had over the years have affected my memory. But I do know I had it good and I feel sorry for others that didn't. I feel guilty sometimes because I had a life others didn't.
I know that in some cases we block out the memories, that are too painful for us to remember. The only problem with that, is that as adults those memories still go on to shape our thoughts as adults and the way we behave.
You may be right Lisa. There may well be a link between diabetes and memory loss, but would that link take away all of your memories? Worth some investigation.
The most vivid memory from childhood is when I was 8 or 9 and I found out about my sister's "problem," which I now know is CP.
I remember wondering what it was like to have those issues. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital having countless tests and so much blood drawn I thought it would run out. Then I was told I did have the same "condition" as her. I now know is CP.
For a long time I thought I wished it upon myself, because I wondered.
Bill I completely understand your thoughts, but I know you know CP is not something you can talk yourself into. It was there all along for you, you just didn't know it back then.
It must have been very frightening for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Anything that is out of the ordinary, that isn't the norm is frightening. I was told there was nothing wrong with me.
I think what we have been through Bill is frustrating for the both of us, but we can support one another now, through the sad times, hard times, frustrating times and just because times...
I remember as a child wanting to meet my real Dad, (I grew up some time thinking my step Dad was my Dad).
When I met my real Dad it was a real let down, but I knew what my Dad was telling me was his side of the story (my Mom's story was different).
I learned to forgive him and grew up knowing that my Mom had made the correct choice. So all in all it worked out for us.
Maria isn't it funny how things work out sometimes. You are right about adults telling their side of the story, instead of the one that's objective.
Glad it worked out for you. Once less of your memories to worry about.
You've got to go through pain first to be stronger and llana you are a superwoman!
Junior you are right, we sometimes have to go through pain to come out stronger the other end, but I firmly believe working through our 'issues' help us become better people.
Thank you for posting... and thank you for your kind comments.