Walking around on holiday, I struggled with my Cerebral Palsy, as we spent most of the day out of the hotel. We went to Torquay harbour, then drove to Paignton.

Reflecting

I slept through most of both journeys and walked at snail’s pace around each harbour, trying to keep up. I never make it obvious that I struggle, but the realisation of what I live with rests heavily sometimes.

When we came back to the hotel we rested a little, then everyone went swimming. I know swimming is good for me, but as a child I had so many people watch me, and although it doesn’t feel like an issue now, because I don’t care what people think about what they see, I just don't like it.

I want to be able to walk without getting tired, without tripping up, without struggling and without dragging myself along like I’m older than my years. I know it isn’t going to happen, but I do reflect every now and again and don’t see that as a bad thing.

Some may see that as being negative, but I always take something positive from it. Like I managed to walk, I got to see Torquay and Paignton and I didn’t give up and didn't go back to the car.

I packed myself off to bed early. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open a minute longer. I was done for the day.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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8 comments on “My day”

  1. I understand about being tired. Some nights I just have to go and go to bed. It happened the other night when my brother's family was here. I just had to bow out and go to bed, while everyone else was enjoying an outdoor fire. I was exhausted. I thankfully do not have trouble keeping up. But I hate swimming. I almost drowned three times in my life as a child. Not going for four.

  2. I hate when people ask "what's wrong" or "what we did.", Usually I don't say much about it I've learned how to deal with that over the years but, it does still hit you.

    Personally, I love swimming. It was a struggle but I push myself. I'm always up for a challenge, just in my personality. I'm competitive and it's definitely something that has helped me manage cp both for better and worse, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

  3. LeAnna, it will always come down to cerebral palsy, or any other condition for that matter.

    I am pleased that you are up for a challenge and are competitive. You have proved to others that you are as good as they are and that whatever anyone has to deal with has nothing to do with disability, however large or small. I had too many things going on to overcome what I had to deal with as a child, so didn't rise to the occasion as far as challenges were concerned.

    I've done a lot for myself in the last 4 years now and am happy with my achievements now..

  4. You know I know that tired feeling so much. Its good that you got out there and went swimming and the heck with what others think. Its thier ignorance. and Im glad you got to go tour around, and that you wasn't to tired to do it. I hope the rest of your trip goes well. Hugs Lisa

    1. Got to tour, that was great! and slept a lot more than I would have done at home. But chilled nevertheless. Thanks Lisa.

  5. I used to think in exactly the same way. I think the lack of support and being rejected made me more determined to show others that I can work through my struggles as far as CP is concerned and be comfortable with it at the same time.

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