"Without knowing what was wrong with me, growing up – I began to connect with my own inner silence, making time for quiet self-reflection. It wasn’t a choice but a necessity, an inner silence that became my sanctuary – a sanctuary I continue to build on today through self-reflection, an inner silence that acknowledges the parts of myself that have long awaited to be acknowledged.

From a young age, I got used to listening to my own voice. Two years on after the death of my twin and I am still healing. It’s not about moving on, it’s about creating space. My twin is still with me, woven into the fabric of my life. We shared a life. She is aware of my journey and is beside me as I continue to navigate my physical life without her. Her absence has become a part of me, a silent guide, a reminder of our life together.

In the early days of loss, where once I felt empty, that has now been transformed into a stillness where I know I am not alone. The connections between twins doesn’t simply vanish. It resides in the good and the bad memories we shared, and in the silence that now binds. I am physically alone without her, but I am not alone."

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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