Realising the Weight of Life Without Her

I was mentally stronger with my twin. Without her, I am beginning to realise just how difficult life after losing her is. I never thought I’d be without her, never imagined this stage would come – where I am having to navigate my own path. It feels wrong. It feels heavy. It’s not the life I want to live.

My Daily Struggle

Just putting one foot in front of the other, grieving the loss of her, navigating a life without her is difficult.

While we didn’t live in each other’s pockets, we had a twin connection. It was there in the background. If we needed to, we could rely on each other. Now, as I continue to contemplate and work through a life without her, I find myself wanting. A life — with a twin bond that neither of us had to try hard with – was just there.

A Bond: A Permanent Fix

I understand more now. And I don’t like it. Without being able to feel, I am unable to sense or feel her presence. Her loss has altered my emotional, mental, and physical landscape. I am dealing with depression. The bond between twins isn't just emotional, it’s foundational, it's deep-rooted. It goes back to the womb. Twin loss grief is unlike anything I’ve known. Learning to exist without her is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do – just putting one foot in front of the other is difficult.

Trusting the Bond Remains

I need to keep reaffirming, my twin bond remains. I need to trust in the signs that may show up, I need to trust she wouldn't abandon me. Now, with a road ahead that is uncertain, unfamiliar, I need to trust there is an invisible thread that connects us.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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