I never thought I'd be writing this, but here I am, navigating a world without my twin. The thought of living without her is at times unfathomable. Growing up, we were always together, never separate.

Feeling Despondent

Now with my twin gone, and dealing with tinnitus 2 months after losing her and I'm feeling despondent. I am still a twin and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the nature of her passing. Losing her feels like losing a part of myself, and her absence has left a gaping hole.

Feeling disorientation

I'm left with a feeling of disorientation. Everything feels off-kilter. Dealing with everyday tasks is an emotional challenge. I find myself struggling to make decisions because although we had our own lives, I'm navigating this new life making decisions away from her. Without her, everything is more uncertain. I've never lived a life without her. I didn't expect to lose her so young.

I am learning to adapt

But despite the challenges, I am learning to adapt. I am finding my own voice for the first time, and my own path. It's scary; I'm still figuring things out, still navigating my new reality without my twin. It's like walking through a forest that is dense without a map or compass. Any progress I am making is slow.

Her presence still lingers

Sometimes I catch myself in thought at something she said that reminds me of her. In those moments I am remind that even though she's not here physically, her presence still lingers. Living without my twin is hard, but it's also teaching me so much about resilience and growth. It's showing me that even in the darkest moments, I can find a little light.

My writing gives me purpose, to recall, to remember. And though it's hard not having my twin physically with me, I know that my writing enables me to keep our connection alive.