I spent my life living with a disability I didn’t know I had, trying to normalise things and most days failing. As a child growing up with a mental, emotional and physical disability, I struggled to cope in my every day.

My mental and emotional battles

Just trying to function every day was a mental and emotional battle. As I continually struggled with bad thoughts at night, during the day I would spend my days trying to normalise 'me,' living with a mental disorder I didn't know I had. As I think about it now, it's staggering to think this was my life.

My writing normalises everything

Away from my mental and emotional struggles, my writing normalises everything. I am comfortable here. It is the only place I am normal. In that moment I come alive, I am not confined to my mental and emotional disability. I am normal, my head is normal, everything feels normal, it feels good.

When writing, my words flow, my thinking is normal. I can put sentences together without going round the houses trying to explain what I mean, or someone else giving me the words I need, to help me finish my sentences.

I spend my days normalising my thoughts

I spend my day normalising my thoughts, how I feel around what I deal with and working on how I see the outcome, so situations don't feel big and scary. In Covid-19, and with autism, every day has become a struggle, made worse, because I deal with autism and because I am still being misjudged and misunderstood.

Finding out at 56 is bad enough, but what is even more irritating, (I'm sure I'm not alone) knowing those close to me watched me mentally struggle for years. Now In Covid-19 and dealing with a mental illness, every day is a struggle.

We don't all get the perfect childhood, and I get that, but as parents, just wanting to do and give of our best, is the right thing to do and a good start.