It has always been a strong belief of mine that people without knowing they're subconsciously doing it, show us how not to do things, how to change things and to do things better.

In a way it's good, but in another way it’s not, particularly if we’re making changes for the better and others don’t like it and therefore choose not to fall into line. Consequently, our lives may become slightly more challenging, not to mention stressful.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Spend more time with like-minded people, who don't challenge you to think and feel a certain way, or their way;
  • Surround yourself with people who elevate you and who won't drag you down to their level;
  • Have people in your life with the same beliefs. It’s hard to navigate our lives with people who simply don’t think the same;
  • Focus on yourself;
  • If someone is behaving in a way that you feel is inappropriate, don’t change to conform or fit in with them;
  • In those cases, always use tact, but say what you need to say;
  • Find a balance or compromise if nothing else is working.

In theory, people don’t always have a problem with change; but in practice they find it more difficult. From personal experience, some don’t always like others to change, because they feel threatened by change. As a general thought, people become familiar with the old and hate having to deal with the new.

For some, the old mind-set patterns may be a little harder to change, but may still be willing to change; others may simply not agree.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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6 comments on “People lessons”

  1. Good post. I agree with you.

    The few friends I have, pretty much think along the same wavelength as me, or at least I think we do. I don't get out and meet many people and working in home health I don't get to meet a lot of people either.

    I do base some of my decisions on what others think but not a lot since I'm mostly around family.

    1. It certainly makes our life easier Lisa when we're with like minded individuals.

      I think people who care about us and generally want us to be okay, won't mind conforming, but from my own experience I've been expected to conform, regardless of my own choices or what works for me in my life.

      It's not right or fair!

  2. My parents never really showed us a lot about life, other than it was better to run from problems than dealing with them!

    We were basically thrown to the wolves and had to learn how to survive which didn't include really "living." I've spent far too many years running and at this point in my life, I'm just really tired and wondering if it's all really worth it.

    Right now,I'm having to try to help my daughter with life lessons that her mother hasn't helped her with, which keeps me in the present quite often.

    I'm just realizing that I seem to be much better at solving other people's problems than my own! I'm hoping and praying that I can find the strength to do more than just survive at this point, which is really killing me!

    1. I can understand how you feel. I too wasn't taught how to tackle problems or life. I existed in my life too until I was old enough to take control and do things differently.

      It's good that you're now trying to help your daughter with her problems. Hopefully you helping her out will show you that you can help yourself too.

      Generally speaking, We cannot change the way our parents parent us, but we can change the way we parent our children, whilst looking out for and helping ourselves.

  3. I've learnt that focusing on yourself is the most important thing. Not in a selfish way, but in a way to better yourself.

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