I am not underestimating my illness in the last 10 months since my twin passed away and what I went through in the preceding months before she died. Watching my twin decline in the months leading up to her death resulted in trauma and illness, firstly dealing with the mouth ligament injury and subsequent mouth pain, Eagle Syndrome, tinnitus and now PTSD.
PTSD
Any situation that a person finds traumatic that continues, can lead to PTSD. For the last 10 months since my twin passed, I have been dealing with isolation, sleep issues, irritabilities, rumination, problems concentrating, anxiety and depression, persistent enough to have a significant impact on my day-to-day life and my nighttime routine. I have PTSD. (Source: nhsuk)
A life etched in trauma
My life has continually been etched around trauma, playing catch up, starting with a disability I didn’t know I had, finding out about it in my forties, then finding out in my fifties I had autism.
Although I have been plagued with illness around my twin’s deteriorating health and death, my mental health is clearly stronger than I think; but my blog has a lot to do with that. It could have been much worse. Given everything, I would probably have been bedridden by now. I’m learning what I’m happy to go with and what I’m not prepared to put up with.
Having to play catch up on our health, isn’t always down to us, but how we move forward and how we heal is. Since losing my twin, I am learning more every day about myself.
Finding a way through healing
When I look back on the things I’ve had to deal with, I’m really not sure how I managed to keep everything together. With my twin now gone, I now have to physically heal.
When you describe what you have been through, it is really not surprising you have PTSD symptoms and are experiencing PTSD. You already deal with anxiety and you've been through distressing events around the trauma of losing your twin.
Especially also as you are still a twin that safety net is no longer there for you. It's no surprise that her death has knocked you off your feet. Your grief is a natural response to loss, so I guess you'll feel grief forever. Our relationship to grief changes over time.
This process is full of emotions and there will be a time when you aren't constantly being knocked over by grief. Our brains learn to adapt in time.
I concur with your response and relate. I've always been a fighter, so am fighting this also.
I'll probably write more when I am able to work through more of what I'm dealing with. I have an appointment at a new dentist on Monday. Although I am nervous for that, I also know I have to do this.
Losing a teeth near to the injury, has added to my emotional, mental health challenges, all of which are not down to me.
Thank you for your support and a listening ear.