When parents don't talk about something their child needs to know about, they are actively making a response that will inevitably have connotations and a ripple effect throughout that child’s natural life.
Where you’re born with something wrong and you know something's not right and your emotional needs aren’t met that’s something not easily accepted. I spent years as a child, struggling and I had no idea why. As a child, I also didn't know about anxiety and depression, or that I had sensory processing issues and/or a physical disability.
In May, The CP Diary will be 8 years old and I am still working things out from my diagnosis at the age of 46. I know that had I not been emotionally strong enough to cope, I would have buckled under the strain for sure.
I use reflection so I get to see the bigger picture. I know that my parents cared, but couldn't care. I am working on reaching an acceptance.
Yes, being able to accept the way my parents were and what my childhood was like, hasn't been something that I was very good at doing.
I was reminded of it while watching the new show 'Speechless' about a boy with Cerebral Palsy and his highly dysfunctional family, when they had been evicted from their house and were sleeping outside.
This seemed to be a pretty normal thing for us, seeing as we moved constantly and most of the time, we never really knew why. It would have been nice to have had a clue as to what was going on, seeing as living like gypsies wasn't a very pleasant thing.
It took me a long time to comprehend that just because I have to accept something doesn't mean that I have to like it.
The things that I wanted from my parents will never happen seeing as they're both dead, so I have to work on accepting the things I can't change like it says in the Serenity Prayer!
You mentioned a boy who has Cerebral Palsy struggling with the same dysfunctional behaviour in his family.
I'm sad for him but that's a good point Randy because it shows we're not alone. Sadly, most families do have dysfunctional elements to them, but it's not to say that we can't change.
Although The CP Diary showcases our lives a little more through my experiences, I still believe we can live less dysfunctional lives and find acceptance on our experiences.
And that just because we've lived our lives one way, doesn't mean that we can't find a different way to live. It's important we learn to accept the things we cannot change.
I couldn't change my life prior to the point of finding out that I had Cerebral Palsy so late. I could have accepted that as my fate that I would never get to know what was wrong with me and carry on and do nothing.
But you've got to be hungry enough to want to change or nothing will change. But you also have to accept the life you've had before you can move on.
We all must. We cannot move on without it.
No matter what is troubling us we need to reach some kind of acceptance on our experiences, so our experiences doesn't hurt us.
I draw an important distinction between acceptance and forgiveness. Some behaviour doesn't warrant forgiveness; its not for me to say unless that behaviour involves me.
But finding a place for it will make us stronger, as you have.
Thank you. Yes, I believe that if someone does something wilful and they have no remorse, there is not always a need to forgive.
When it comes to abuse, there is nowhere that's written that we need to forgive or must, but if that person gets help and changes as a result to become better, then there would be no reason why we shouldn't forgive.
But for me it really depends on the person. We learn a lot through our relationships with people and know whether they deserve to be forgiven or not.
It's our call. Spirit wouldn't have a problem with our decision. Abuse is abuse whichever way you look at it.