We must speak our own truth. It’s important we say what we need to say, in the same way it’s important for others to say what they need to say, for us to accept what they say and for them to accept what we say.
As long as what we say comes from the heart and it’s done with no malicious intent, there should be no problem. Honesty has and always will be the best policy. For some we’re either not sure how to say what we want to say, for others they don't know what to say, so may end up saying nothing at all.
When we have things that we want to say and we don’t say what those things are, it’s us that get hurt because we either live with guilt, or live with animosity towards another instead. It’s perhaps therefore important to say what we feel, but be guarded in the way we say those things. Don’t blurt things out. Be careful with your words because words have a massive impact.
In hindsight when we look back there are usually lots of things we don’t say, lots of things we wish we had said and lots of things we’ve probably said that we wish we hadn’t.
Living with 'what ifs,' or 'I should have’s' is worse than getting what we feel out into the open, even if we’re not sure how to say what we need to say. With practice, we will always find a way.
I have to say that this was one thing that was highly discouraged when I was a child!
It didn't seem to matter what was on our minds, as my parents always had their own agenda. It's so very hard to overcome so many years of "conditioning," which my girlfriend seems to think should be so easy. She keeps saying I need to talk to her more but she's not always listening!
It sounds a lot like what I grew up with, so it's no wonder I've stayed with her for so long under the circumstances! I really think she seems to think she has discussed her "agenda" with me when 90% of the time I have no clue as to what she's talking about!
In any case, most of my life is filled with so many cases of "should have, could have, would have" that it makes me physically ill to think about! I pretty much lost the ability to "speak my mind" which is kind of necessary for daily living.
People who can do this seem to have a much easier time in life because they don't get steamrolled by everybody who wants to. I'm not trying to use it as an excuse, but I just never had a chance to learn the "life skills" that most people do while they're growing up.
It isn't something you can just pick up overnight when it was drilled into your head that your own life meant nothing!
Thanks Randy. Yes there are some forms of conditioning that lends itself to life, other forms of conditioning not so much. Negative conditioning is a lot harder to change.
Having gone through different negative circumstances myself, I can understand your dilemma. It's easier to change things when we understand our circumstances and the bigger picture a little more. That way we're more likely to understand why someone would choose to behave in the way they do, even if we don't agree.
When we're able to go back in and talk about our issues with certain family members, I do think it makes it easier for us to move on with our lives. Even if we aren't able to do that (and some of us aren't) We have to do the best we can with what we have and try to move on the best we can.
I'm not good at saying what I want to say sometimes. I guess I'm afraid of the response I'll get from the other person.
My daughter isn't afraid to say what she feels. Sometimes it embarrasses me when she just blurts things out. People should respect what and how other feel or say.
I agree with you that by not saying what we feel does cause us problems.
Thanks Lisa. I think you make a very good point about us being afraid of the response we'll get from the other person, but if you're getting the wrong response, it's because you would get that response whether you said something or not.
If it's there it will come out, so there would be no point to holding back. Those are my experiences.