I'm not sure it matters whether you're the child, the parent, or the grandparent. It's wrong to take one person's opinion over another. It’s not something families stop to consciously think about, or stop doing. It’s there and is something that still, continues to be part of the family scenario.

Unless we learn to do things differently, we will always take sides and sitting on the fence shouldn’t be an option. If parents do it, their parents will have done it before them, therefore it's what we will do.

In larger families, siblings will sometimes take sides with a particular sibling, and children will take sides over their parents. Parents and the family dynamics are responsible for it. To understand how family and friendship dynamics works, is to change the way we see and interact with each other.

We mustn't take sides. We must learn to be objective. It shouldn't matter the explanation or whose explanation it is. We must go with what’s right, even if it means taking a different stance. It can't help our relationships, if we're taking one person's opinion over another. It's what makes family dysfunctional and if that is the case we all need to heal.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “Taking sides”

  1. I can remember as a child in the early 70's watching a TV show called, "Wait till your father gets home." There was never anything for me to worry about, as I was fortunate my parents never took sides, as neither parented me!

    I agree we should be objective and not take one person's opinion over another, but this brings difficulties as we are often expected to support and take sides and that can cause friction, when we know that person with that expectation is in the wrong.

    I know many families who takes sides for a quiet life and the pressure is always there to do that, but I agree even if it means falling out, I think we will earn more respect if we stand by a judgement of what is right and wrong.

    1. Thanks. Yes I believe it's wrong. Taking sides from my own experiences splits families, relationships and communication.

      Unfortunately we will also lose the respect of the person taking sides, particularly if the person they're taking sides with is clearly wrong. I agree that we will earn more respect if we go with what's right, not what is expected.

      It is right to support of course, but never right to support and take sides where it's clearly not appropriate. We must try to be more objective in our approach.

      We mustn't take sides. From my own experience in the short term it doesn't help because there is a lot of falling out, but in the longer term I believe the respect element will always pay off, even if it's not there at that particular time.

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