It would be comforting to believe that we’re all living the life we choose, that each step along the way is ours and not borrowed from someone else’s expectations or ideals. Instead, we wake up to realise that we’ve been living a version of life designed not by us, but for us. Many of our experiences are shaped by those around us, most notably our parents, whose perceptions become the foundations and structure to our lives. But there’s both an annoyance and sadness that comes with realising you have lived someone else’s life.

Would We have Chosen a Different Life?

Would we have chosen a different life? In my case, had I been given the support to develop as an individual, with what I got to deal with, to advocate for myself, to make more informed choices –  I can say yes with certainty. I would have chosen a life more aligned with who I was, not a life that was mapped out for me. The reality is, many of us grow up without making our own choices and not by choice. We have roles and expectations placed upon us from an early age, as our parents did with their parents and their parents before them. That's not an excuse. And unless we stop to question, we may continue to live years, even decades, under the weight of those decisions. As a general rule though, other people's decisions aren't always based on them having your best interests at heart, it's you fitting into a life that's easier for them.

Ask Yourself the Question and be Honest

It’s never too late to reconnect with yourself. To ask: Is this the life you want to live? The simple question can be the beginning of something honest, a realignment back to yourself. And although you can't change your past, you can start to live with intention – to choose what you want moving forward without excuses. 

Conclusion

In my own case, I never had any choices, my life was based around helicopter parenting for many decades. My life was planned for me, not with my wants and needs in mind. I walked my parents path and lived their lives, eventually connecting with a diagnosis, too late to change anything. Those were difficult years. But through my writing I can now play my own show reel. My life was about control – it took me decades to escape from its clutches. I was pushed into things and didn't stop to question. I made it easier for myself. I did eventually when it was the right time, to make the decision to look out for two diagnoses, to bring my physical and mental disability together, for the first time.

It was my intent to write one book when I learned I had a disability. Why? Because I needed to know about myself. My second book 'Spirituality, Healing and Me' is my healing journey, based on the universal principles that affect us all. Something I continue to believe in and follow. I needed to be honest and open with myself: I needed to heal so that I didn't get sick under the weight of the life I was made to live. Writing brings clarity. But it comes at a cost. Not everyone is happy for you. The lesson on intent: intent should always be about support.