It's just over 3-weeks until the second anniversary of my twin's passing and I'm still trying to work out how I feel. I know she's gone and have reconciled that, but have failed to reconcile a life without her. That part isn't sinking in. An integral part of my identity is gone, leaving behind a profound emptiness that no one can fill. It’s not just her physical absence I'm struggling with, it’s also the silence where her energy used to be.

Grief in the Pandemic

Already struggling with the pandemic, I lost my twin – now without my twin I am cut off from the world even more. As previously mentioned, from the stress of losing her, I also have tinnitus. Some days I manage by focusing on the small things – going for walks, writing, or sitting quietly and reflecting. Other days, it can be a struggle for me to motivate.

I am Trying to Remain Positive

I’m doing my best to stay positive. I delve into readings and therapy to make sense of the quiet dissonance – the gap between how things ended, where I was and am left, and where my twin is now. I am taking it one day at a time, holding on to the hope that even in the darkness, there is still light to be found.

Every day brings a new lesson for me in learning how to navigate life without my twin. At times, even the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other feels overwhelming. I would like to think I am resilient. Unless you are a twin and you understand what it means to be a twin, there is little understanding of what being a twin and twin-loss really means. Through my writing and in 14-years I have created an outlet, an avenue for processing my thoughts and feelings on a difficult life lived. Sharing my stories brings me comfort, I hope for others too who are navigating similar paths.