I may never get over that I grew up with a disability I never knew I had, with no mental or emotional support around a disability I didn't know I had.
Now having used all of my experiences to work through, everything feels heavy. When I think about my life, when I think about my mental and emotional struggles growing up around something I didn’t know I had, I struggle more.
I get this was all pre-determined, so that I could do what I do now. If anything along the way would have changed, my experiences would not have led me to this. Where it was all part of the universe’s plan for me, those experiences can't change wilful acts. What happened to me wasn't done out of ignorance, it would have felt easier if it were.
This is a very heartfelt and difficult blog to read. Your last two paragraphs say it all.
While I agree this path was chosen for you, all children have the right to expect a parent to put that child's interests first, and particularly because you had a disability. Yours didn't and there is simply no excuse for that.
Not only do you bear the responsibility, the universe chose for you well, through each blog you continue to show us another way so that each of us can benefit.
The universe chose wisely.
Thank you. Yes, around a disability any child would have the right to think that their needs would be met by his or her family.
I feel, writing this particular blog is particularly cathartic, it's what I needed to do. I believe today will now be that turning point.
I don't know how just yet, but through my writing, I know it will, you'll see.
I can definitely relate. People still expect you to 'just get over it' but they haven't been through what we have, so they really don't have a clue as to what it was like.
Both of our lives could have been different if our parents would have done things differently which I am forced to think about every day. I still have nightmares about what it was like.
I know things could have been so much different for my own daughter if I had done the things that I should have and I have to live with that everyday.
Thanks Randy. Yes, unless someone goes through what someone else goes through, they won't know what it feels like, but empathy and compassion goes a long way for us to at least try to understand.
Our own tools, what we've been given by our parents, will usually be instrumental in us parenting our own children. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. You yourself have understood your relationship with your daughter and know what you could have done differently previously.
Although things are slightly difficult for you right now, it's not to say that your circumstances will change in the future and you can pick up, where you left off, to speak to your daughter.
Usually, it's circumstances we may not be aware of now that change further down the line. Fingers crossed.