Losing my twin has been deeply distressing and has had a profound impact on me, as I am not only experiencing the grief of losing her, but I am also grappling with my own identity and sense-of-self as a twin and finding a place without her.

Twin set

For those who are part of the twin set, they will know twin loss is particularly challenging, because it disrupts the unique dynamic and connection that twins share.

Self-care is essential

I know that taking care of my own well-being is crucial. Grief can be physically and emotionally draining, so prioritising my self-care and relaxation is important, whether it's practicing mindfulness, or nurturing my own well-being, that allows me to find my own place in this world without her.

My twin has found her peace

It has been a year and my twin has found her peace in the spirit realm; the peace she craved here, now without her I need to find mine. It's not guilt I feel, but I do have to find a way to live my life comfortably and for the first time without her. Grieving is a gradual journey. There are days when I struggle to put one foot in front of the other.

Through my writing, I would like to continue to hold space for her in my heart and incorporate her memory into my life. Keeping her spirit alive continues to provide comfort and a sense of continued connection.

I need to give myself time and to make peace with the fact that she is no longer here.

For Sheila x

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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