For those who are new to my blog, I lost my twin in December 2022. It has been an incredibly painful and difficult journey, one that I continue to navigate each day. As I reflect on these experiences, I hope sharing my thoughts can help me process the depth of this loss.

Life Without My Twin

With December fast approaching, marking two years since her passing, I find myself facing the reality of life without her. The world feels different now, as I learn to navigate it as just one person. The bond between twins is unlike any other, and losing that connection has profoundly impacted my sense of identity.

Other's Reactions

Throughout the grieving process, we realise just how much the reactions of those around us shape our ability to cope. Others, depending on their reactions or how they cope, add to the weight of grief. Others' responses may be helpful and offer comfort and support, creating space for healing. Others may be based on opinions.

An opinion that isn't considered helpful is a prejudice, because it is based on preconceived notions rather than informed understanding. Such opinions tend to reinforce biases instead of contributing constructively to discussions or problem-solving. Without being grounded in open-mindedness or facts, they close off opportunities for understanding, growth and progress.

The Impact of Others' Reactions

Speaking with others who have experienced twin loss, I've learned that feelings of isolation are common around grief. Many have encountered distancing from friends and family, due to various collective factors, including uncertainty about what to say, or discomfort with the intensity of grief.

Losing a twin is distinctly different from losing any other sibling – it’s a profound loss that permeates the very core of one’s being and doesn’t bind to the conventional grieving process. Balancing the loss with my identity and seeking acceptance has and continues to be challenging.

Protecting My Emotional Wellbeing

One significant lesson we learn is the importance of safeguarding our emotional space. While I like others cannot control how others react, I can shape my own responses. This sometimes involves setting clear boundaries. Other times, it means accepting that not everyone will understand the depth of our loss.

Meaningful Support

The journey of grieving my twin is one that I have largely navigated alone. Experiences, including grief, which is also based on our collective experiences and including the parting of the waves, is like no other – and as a result, I have turned to professional help. Working with a grief counsellor has created a safe space for me to explore the complex loss tied to my twin identity and profound sadness. In healing I need to find ways to coexist with my grief, while learning to find acceptance on the memories of a shared life. All multiples will feel the same way.

Facing the Challenge of Moving Forward

One of the most difficult realities to confront has been the need to adjust to life without her. However, moving forward doesn’t mean leaving her behind. While my grief may never fully dissipate, I am learning to co-exist with it rather than letting it consume me. There are days when I still struggle and days when I feel a sense of progress – both experiences are completely valid.

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

I am moving forward, but that doesn’t mean moving on. My twin will forever be a part of me, and her absence will always be felt. I can carry the weight of our shared memories, while forging my own path.

Grief is not something that you simply "get over" especially when the loss is of someone who was a fundamental part of your identity; the other part of you. One half of a whole. Yet, as time passes, I am finding that it becomes a part of my life that I can learn to live with, rather than allowing it to control and define me. And while the journey is ongoing, I know that my twin’s memory will always be with me, as I continue to heal and grow.