Although our lives turned out differently, I still feel my 'twin' experience captures the unique and profound bond shared by twins, particularly in the context of how intertwined our lives were. Growing up, the shared experiences; attending the same schools and having the same friends, created an interconnection that lead to us being perceived as a single unit, rather than as individuals.

Our Identities Were Fused

As the younger twin, it felt like I was living in a constant state of catch-up. Journeying through life side by side meant that my twin and I were never seen as separate individuals; instead our lives were so intertwined that our identities were fused, with those around us treating us as a single entity, rather than two different people. That was difficult for both of us.

My Constant Struggles

As twins, navigating a shared life can present challenges, especially when one twin has a disability. This meant that while my twin and I attended the same school, in the same class and participated in the same activities, I struggled. The constant comparisons led me to play catch-up, as my twin seemed to navigate school more effortlessly. Years later and as I later found out, it turns out I wasn't mentally or emotionally capable. Around my disability, I am irked at having to work my life out myself and with no emotional support.

Twins Today Have More Opportunities

In contrast, twins today have more opportunities to develop their individual identities. Modern educational practices encourage twins to be placed in different classes and to pursue different interests, allowing each twin to flourish separately.

The Inherent Nature of Being A Twin

Growing up our paths were tightly linked, which meant that any fallout my twin experienced, became my own. It wasn’t about my actions or words; but rather, the inherent nature of being part of a twinset. Her challenges became mine, and her legacy became inextricably linked to me. As a result, our individual experiences were overshadowed by our collective identity.

The Weight of My 'Twin's Absence'

Now with my twin gone, I feel the weight of her absence. As I continue to live my life, I am aware of her challenges and her struggles. I am navigating a landscape without her, where my identity is still inseparably tied to hers. Her highs and lows, her struggles, her fallouts have become a part of my narrative, not because I have chosen to carry or own them; but because the nature of being a twin means that what affected her, is now affecting me. It would be up to others to choose to change that for me.

Embracing My Uniqueness

I know that carving out my own path as a twin involves learning to embrace my uniqueness. My writing is a part of that. It’s also about finding a balance between acknowledging my twin and recognising our individual journeys.