We hurt, we hurt others because we’re hurt, but that makes us like the people who hurt us. But if we are to judge how lovable we are, based on someone else’s inability to love without hurting us, we will acquire an inaccurate view of ourselves.
Reflections of 'Love'
It is important to remember, the reflections of love we acquire from those we love, are not always reciprocated. It’s not that others may consciously choose to hurt us, or not show us love, but their experiences based on their own unconscious thinking is the reason, why they may hurt or fail to love you.
How we have been loved is how we will love
Growing up, we base our ability to love on the love we receive from others. When that doesn’t happen, the mirror image of what we see, becomes us, it becomes our inner voice. And no matter how much we defend our corner growing up, when it comes to put-downs and criticisms, on a subconscious level we begin to believe what we hear.
We buy into the flaws
We buy into the flaws reflected in the mirror, even though we consciously know our loved ones are distorting their impression of us. But we get to change that.
Use reflection to understand your life. If you reflect long enough, the bigger picture can become obvious. That some of the issues you think are about you, are other people's issue of you and that’s not the same thing.
Yes, hurt people hurt people. There are so many times where the abused ends up behaving just like the abuser.
In my case the total opposite happened, where I never wanted to be like my parents, but in the end I became so much worse and I had to live with that.
I allowed myself to be the victim and wallow in self pity without realizing that I had more control over my life than I thought. I have to say that chatting with you and reading your blogs has helped me tremendously.
You're one of the few people that hasn't judged me for my mistakes which is something I will always be grateful for. I can only hope that I'm now strong enough to do what needs to be done.
Thanks Randy. I speak for myself but these are your experiences too. You didn't allow yourself to be the victim, you were made a victim.
The only way you allow this not to happen is by walking away and as a child that's not possible. An abuser lures his victim in, it doesn't matter that it's a parent.
And as a child it's not always easy to read or see the signs. As children, we put our trust in our parents that's what children do. It's not something we stop to question, until we grow up and begin to question our experiences.
You have control, as much as you need, but the problem is like we've all done, you've come to rely on the very people you need to move away from. You've said it yourself.
Sadly, I've had a lifetime of people judging me, because of what I deal with instead of shining the torch on themselves first, so I won't do it to anyone else. We're too quick to point the finger.
It helps knowing that my blogs are helping you too. Keep up the good fight. You're a good guy Randy, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.