What I write about on my blog isn't far removed from what people are talking about on social media. We need to be honest.
It is important to recognise that politics has a significant impact on mental health and wellbeing. I am sorry if my blogs don't make for easy reading. They're not easy for me to read and write, but they're necessary, to understand, for better mental health.
Since I lost my twin life is difficult. I'm not going to lie or cover up how I feel. I have talked about the safety net I had. The world without my twin has become even scarier and I am expected to carry on. With autism and in the pandemic it has become even more difficult. I'm unwell.
I've never found life easy. I never understood why I didn't. But perhaps more of us need to be honest about how we see life, rather than keep the band aid on. The pandemic isn't just something I'm struggling with. On social media, people are talking about how hard they are finding life, navigating the pandemic.
We're still in the pandemic. There is no protection for those who are trying to stay safe and the world has just got scarier. Children are starting school in a few days' time. Parents, 4 years on, are still continuing to talk about these issues on social media and while my children aren't of school age, these parents' concerns in the pandemic are my concerns, but differently.
With new mutations, the pandemic isn't gone, and we still have to live our lives in a way that we can stay protected, that we can stay safe. My twin struggled, I continue to struggle.
This all feels heavy and it’s not going away. It’s time to be honest.
Losing a twin must be like losing a part of yourself. I have only ever lost a half-brother, many times detached from a twin.
You refer to it as ‘difficult’ yet I imagine it must be totally debilitating.
I sometimes find it hard to engage with the day, with issues barely worth mentioning by comparison. No question the pandemic is weighing heavily on our mental health on top of everything.
Thanks Arthur. I am sorry to hear about your loss. All loss is difficult. It's the darkness, the separation, the lack of understanding of 'death.' In my early twenties I struggled with the concept.
I'm working on my twin being okay and happy and that makes me happy for her. Also, understanding 'us' our lives together and holding on to some of the happier times we shared.
You bring up a good point about mental health and you are right. I think if times were easier, and I/we weren't having to dodge a bullet in the pandemic, I would be doing and feeling much better. My illness isn't helping.
But I know how much my twin struggled. There is a struggle in me too, but I am rested, knowing she's around me, and is supporting me. I very much feel her presence.
My father once said, when he was in bed with sciatica and I went up to see him, "when you're ill it doesn't matter how much family are around you, you are on your own."
I understood straight away... he was right. Illness is singular, no matter how much sympathy you have. It's you having to deal with it. It helps to know though, the sympathy is there.
Honesty wasn't something I was raised with, but I do appreciate it. I don't find your blogs difficult to read, that's because I can relate so much to things that you go through.
I too always wondered why my life was extremely difficult, but in my time growing up, things like ADD weren't exactly known or talked about. People need to be more honest, but so often it comes down to them not being able to handle the truth.
I only wish that I could do more to help you out under your trying circumstances. Maybe someday, we'll be able to sit down together and have a long conversation about everything. Hang in there!
Thanks Randy. I am hanging on in there just, with ill-health it's difficult, but do feel I am turning a small corner.
I'm made up to hear you don't find my blogs difficult to read and also that you find them relatable. It becomes obvious when honesty isn't being used. In the current climate honesty is EXACTLY what we need.
My concern is without it in abundance, the world will start heading into directions it will be hard to come back from. The less honesty in the world, the more people will have karma to deal with. Climate change is a good example to use.
But it's not all doom and gloom and there is truth out there. My blog continues to highlight truth as do other individuals, but our voices are being drowned out and the truths we put out there, are being ignored, for now. It can't last forever.
I agree ‘all loss is difficult’ of course, but I think there are degrees. For example, I was young when I lost my half-brother and children accept it as life.
Also, I wasn’t close to my mother or father so their passing wasn’t too distressing. But I think your loss is right up there with the toughest.
Maybe only losing a child is worse. Subjective though, what do I know? Either way, you’re doing well to get through each day, and starting this blog to help others is extraordinary.
Yes cherish those happy memories and I’m sure Sheila is okay.
Awe thanks Arthur. You are right. Absolutely, no doubts there.
Sheila like me was spiritual. Everything we believed, everything we did was based on 'spirituality'. We both believe that death is the 'opening of one door and walking through another.'
I am struggling with the concept she's gone (and still can't believe she's not here). I believe she's well again and continuing her life 'spirit side.'
I am grieving the quietness, the space she occupied, the loss of her presence, not being able to talk to her. As I write this, I am becoming tearful. I miss her.
She'd know exactly how to heal me. I miss all of that, but know for sure she is well again. I know she wants the same for me. As I was left to rest, I heard her yesterday in my acupuncture session.
I know she is around me. That comforts me.
I imagine you are becoming tearful as you write; I am, reading it.
I have something to add to your penultimate message which I shall do later.
Yes, it is true. Okay, cool. Looking forward to hearing back from you later.
I loved that last reply, very heartfelt and poignant. What I wanted to say was that I was taken aback by the last two paragraphs of your penultimate message. Regarding being on your own when you’re ill.
I live in France. My ex wife (with whom I’m in constant contact) and my sons are in England. Last year I had a blackout after a sequence of events and nearly died (so much so that the hospital asked my friend if I wanted to donate my organs!) I was in a coma for a while.
My ex said she and her friends prayed for me. I’m sure I felt a ‘surge’ as I recovered, which I put down to them. I had also recently been in hospital with kidney failure and had open heart surgery, all the result of a tick bite!
I felt that the contact with family (letters, calls etc) were invaluable in the recovery process. It was support rather than sympathy.
Given your reply about spirituality, I was surprised you said you thought he was right, that you were on your own, that was all.
Thanks Arthur. I am so sorry to hear of your medical troubles, but so pleased you're here to tell the tale, you made it through.
There are two trains of thought here, I'll try to explain. Usually, in spiritual terms when your time is up, no amount of prayer can keep you on the earth's plane.
I know you were gravely ill, but it just wasn't your time. Because it wasn't your time, the prayer from your family will have helped you to recover. But that isn't true in all cases.
I'm also loving that you had the support, but it's you that went through the trauma. However ill you were, it was you dealing with the pain.
So, while you had the support and sympathy, you had to deal with your illness, in the same way I'm having to deal with my illness. While my family may offer me sympathy, they can't take away my pain.
I think that is what my father was talking about. He was in bed with sciatica. No amount of sympathy from me, could or would help take his pain away, therefore in his mind's eye he was on his own.
I hope my explanation helps.
Yes very clear thanks, I did wonder if I was looking at it too simplistically.
By the way, when I came out of the coma, my ex, and I for that matter, thought I was different, more mellow. She said maybe I died briefly.
What’s your take on that?
I'm glad my explanations helped. It's always a possibility, but from those who have experienced near death experiences, they can explicitly describe what heaven looked like before they come back into their physical bodies.
They have also become rather indignant about having to come back. It's all down to timing. If it's not your time, it's not your time. If it was a near to death experience, it is more than likely you would have remembered what you saw.
Your new more mellow personality will be from your understanding of how gravely ill you were. Our experiences can shape our personalities differently, particularly when we've been gravely ill and we realise just how lucky we are to be alive.
I hope that also makes sense.
Yes it does, and thank you for taking the time to reply. I feel like I’ve taken up a lot of it today.
I hope it’s been a bearable one for you.
No worries, any time. I'm so pleased you understand a little of my spiritual beliefs and my world and it makes sense. It's easy to understand.
I write and live by these beliefs. I've managed another walk today. It's taking me longer to get up, but I'm grateful I am feeling better enough to get dressed.
The acupuncture session on Tuesday has helped shift the illness a little. I still have a headache, that I currently seem to be sharing my life.
I still have mouth ligament inflammation, but my earache has been slightly reduced and I can eat a little more easily, although I still have issues with my teeth.
I also have got two acupuncture ear pressure points in my left ear. It's shifting something for sure.
Well I’m glad, that all sounds positive. Sleep well.
Thank you, yes I will do. The time is probably early for you. I hope you also sleep well, when it's your time to sleep.
No, I am an hour ahead of you, my time to sleep is now!
Cool... have a good night.