As children you trust. You trust your parents to do what's right. You don't stop to question. That is, until you begin to equate, until you begin to look at and think about just what you've been through. It's easy to get annoyed at yourself for being so trusting, for not talking about things that mattered to you, the things that were continually hurting you. That if they had have asked or listened – your life would have become easier. It's not blame without just cause. This is part of the healing journey many face when dealing with emotional neglect.
But children don’t question trust. It's not their job and the trust is automatically in place. It's an invisible cord that children don't question. They trust their parents to know and do the right thing. To guide and protect – to help them make sense of the world – with what they deal with. Trust is the foundation of how children begin life: and as they grow, and something changes they realise just what trust means, when everything piles up – and when they start to experience stress, overwhelm, and emotional disconnection.
What is that something? Children beginning to question the trust they once gave so freely. That’s where and when it starts. The realisation that things aren't right. When they begin to experience continued stress. That maybe, if their parents had listened... and acted on things, their path would have felt less difficult, less isolating. That they wouldn’t have had to carry so much on their own. But it isn't just about the parents. Children don't live in a bubble. These moments mark the start of self-awareness in trauma recovery.
And it’s also not just regret that follows – it’s blame. Blame for trusting to the point of believing. Blame for the silence of living with something they struggled with, which is obvious to them, but still there is silence. And no matter what you tell yourself about what's done, there’s a part of you that knows your parents should have done better. That the silence was avoidable. That the things that hurt you weren’t unfortunate – they were ignored. This is where emotional accountability becomes important, even if it's only acknowledged within yourself.
But what hurts the most is the blame you direct towards yourself. For not speaking up. For staying silent when you should have screamed from the rooftops. But you were just a child, it wasn't your job to question and why would you? As the adult now, you carry the weight of everything – the trust, the silence, the guilt and the blame as you try to make sense of the past you had little control over. This is often the root of inner child healing, and why so many are working on breaking generational trauma.
But maybe if this is something you do, just maybe the first step to healing is to stop pretending you're not angry. If you're angry, acknowledge it. The second step? To name the blame for what it is, because you know things should have been done differently. Also, acknowledge that taking out the guilt that isn't your guilt to carry is how you begin to move forward – and on your own terms. It's all about the 'terms.'
You deserve emotional healing, not just survival. Healing without closure is difficult – but it is possible. It begins when you reclaim your story, your truth, and your right to peace.
