From a very early age, we may worry about what other people think, so much so that we may adapt and conform. We adapt to fit in.

We conform because we may have no choice. In the 1960's being a non-conformist wasn’t an option for many of us. It was always accepted that we would conform. Family and society expected us to.

In my own case, others assumed I would conform, I hated being taken advantage of in that way, because I was such a pleasing child. Everyone knew I would conform therefore they didn’t have to think about how they asked, I would fall into line.

When I began to please myself, those who had always assumed I would always fall into line, didn't like it. It became more about them and less about me.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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8 comments on “Why we conform”

  1. I used to be like that; pleasing everyone because I wanted them to like me. But not any more. If I do something it's for me and no one else.

    1. That's great Lisa.

      What you decide to do has to be for you! If what you want to do fits in with somebody else, than that's a bonus for them.

  2. I used to spend the majority of my life trying to conform to people's expectations of me, which really got me nowhere in my life.

    Now I'm just trying to fit in the best I can, which has made my life a lot easier!

    1. I did too! I'm pleased you're trying to fit into your life the best you can. Perhaps one day you won't need to try to fit in... you just will.

  3. As human beings, I think we all feel the need to fit in. It's just a natural part of what makes us what we are and it can be difficult for us to take a step back and put ourselves first. It goes against all that we have learned growing up.

    All these good posts have proved it can be done and the benefits arising.

    1. I think you're right, as human beings we are conditioned from an early age to conform round family, friends and our community, but I believe anyone can change their conditioning they just have to know how.

      As with all things in life nothing stays the same, neither will this if we don't want it to. We just have to work on change.

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