This morning I woke up and couldn’t focus on anything, but things have slowly got better. It’s always so hard to focus on anything other than what we’re dealing with, but I’m hopeful we'll find clarity eventually.

My mind seems so confused as to how we got to this place, but I’m not giving up on trying to find a way back to a life of normality. It’s hard but I'm working things out. I'm in shock. All the symptoms associated with shock I seem to have; such as anxiety and restlessness; lack of concentration; unfounded fears that won’t subside; pale cheeks; being lightheaded; nausea; and sudden panic.

Eighteen months ago life was so normal for us. Daniel’s life was normal. He was doing well at St Andrews. He had blossomed into a confident individual and was enjoying every aspect of university life and now we’re dealing with a different crisis, stemming from his assault last year.

We now have a new lead this morning with the help of a new Consultant I know. Nothing concrete, but a new lead. It may be inevitable for Daniel to have another operation on his nose. We're looking for another opinion on his new nose after his last operation. But for now, he has decided his best course of action may be to take a year off. The thought of being able to correct his nose is what’s keeping him going.

Emotionally everything needs to be addressed. I am hoping the new lead we have today will give us a few more answers. If that doesn’t work, the lead itself may lead on to other leads. That is all we can do for now.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Working things out”

  1. I hope things work out for the best, for all of you. You're not giving up and that's the most important thing right now.

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