"Growing up with a disability I didn’t know I had meant that at some point I would need to find out. I would need to piece my life and my experiences together, get to know me. I would also need to understand my difficulties and come face to face with my disability for the first time.

The reality is that I could never understand my life, without going back to the beginning and writing about my experiences in the way they happened. Had I have known about my disability as a child, I am sure my life would have taken a different path. Not knowing about my disability was always something negative. I just couldn’t get past my disability, why anyone would make someone live this life. I'm not happy that it happened, but I have taken many positives from it.

Not everyone has your back. And it is your job to understand the people behind your experiences. It is important to learn to live presently, so that looking back you are able to see things as they happened and not how you would like them to be. As my experiences show, where we think we know others we find we don’t, and we can never assume. I grew up believing that because I didn’t know about my disability, others didn't know. I was wrong.

If you fancy reading either of my books, you can grab paperback and Kindle copies on Amazon, or through the following link https://www.thecpdiary.com/my-books

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “Writing my Memoirs”

  1. I have been considering writing my memoirs for a very long time but have always felt paralysed by a crippling fear when I sat down to do it.

    I'm sure that stems from the brainwashing I received as a child where I wasn't supposed to disclose anything about what happened at home. There was always the underlying message that if we did, we would end up in foster care and being split up, which did happen at one time, but I don't remember.

    Usually the worst part is when you're forced to live a life by your parents, which is beyond unfair. I will have to take the time to force myself to write these things down, while I can still remember and so that my experiences won't be lost in the sands of time.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, no matter how we're brought up, there will always be something we get to deal with that is 'beyond fair' as you say.

      Do parents ever get raising their children completely right? I have not yet come across anyone who says their parents have.

      I think it will be a very good idea for you to write some of your memories down Randy. Even if you don't get your story or your experiences published, it will help you understand why your life turned out in more detail.

      I remember writing out my story for the website and thinking how therapeutic it felt just to be able to put something down.

      I also think it's not what we say, it's how we say it. It's important we take a more balanced and measured view when writing our 'story.'

      Good luck...

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