Yesterday was a strange day, good but strange. For the last few months I’ve been in the same place on issues that haven’t yet been resolved that I’m still trying to work on. On the back of family stress, I spontaneously decided to bring a hair appointment forward by one day so that I could get out of the house.
When I came back from my appointment my father had already rung to let us know that he wanted some shopping. When I got to the house he wanted to come with, so we took him to the shops and what an experience that was. I wasn’t sure why, but I came back with a completely different perspective on everything.
We may go through a roller-coaster of emotions most of them negative, when either of our parents become terminally ill. There are many things we want to say, most of which we never get to say, as we try to come to terms with the diagnosis. It’s often what’s not said that can make us harbour resentment.
Yesterday I saw an ailing man and that’s all I saw. The usual things we’re said, but this time, his words didn’t matter. I felt calm. Looking back at my life with him, although I can't change things now, what's passed is something he has to deal with.
As part of our spiritual journey we should take stock of our lives when that time comes. It comes to all of us eventually and that's good.
It's better to do things now than to regret not doing them when it's to late.
When I was growing up I didn't hear the words "I love you" a lot. It just wasn't said out in the open. We just assumed we loved each other.
Then when my father got ill I regretted not telling him every day that I loved him, so I started then and I started telling my mom I love her daily and my children when I see or talk to them.
I agree it's important to say things before it's too late, but not all of us are capable of doing it. In the 60's growing up we were to assume our parents loved us, because they never told us; you're right. That was my upbringing too!
As long as we say what we should say then that's all that matters. We should do our best and be okay with having done our best. If others don't, then that is up to them.
I agree with Lisa, but unfortunately I know from personal experience that some people are either simply unable, or possibly unwilling to talk about the things that really matter, as they come to the end of their days.
As you say it is up to him now.
I think lots of people are unable you're right, but it's never impossible.
I think that when someone doesn't want to, the odds are they never have wanted to, whether they are coming to the end of their life or not. Unfortunately that is my personal experience.
It is interesting. My Grandpa passed in 2004 and I was only thirteen at the time... and now, I look back and wonder about all of the things I could have asked him.
Unfortunately, that time is long gone now, which is why I like to record things, so that when I have children they can look over my life and it might give them some insight. Good blog!
I agree with you. I think it is important to say the things that matter, but it has to be reciprocated from the other person too for it to work well. Too often we want to say things, but are put off by the other person who makes no effort.
I also believe it's good for children to understand to some extent how their parents lives unfold. That way they get to understand their own background more, as long as it doesn't become a burden to them.