I have never understood why or how all of my thinking is black and white, but have come to learn that many individuals with developmental disability think this way.

I have never been fully aware of why things have to be done a certain way, and admit that I get stressed when I'm taken out of my routine. Things either work or they don't.

Although I know I am capable of working through grey areas, I become irritable when I have to deal with them because they are not part of that black and white scenario where things are completely crystal clear. The grey areas revolve around unsolved issues that take time to resolve and can make me feel anxious and panicky.

Grey areas make me irritable because the answers I need aren’t always there straight away. I do better with small issues and scenarios that are clear. Black and white scenarios are predictable, their answers are clear and therefore my thought process is clear also.

Following this thought pattern means there are no exceptions to the way I think and the rules apply to everyone I come into contact with. My routine has to be familiar, but I understand how it can be frustrating for others.

Although I work well in my routine, it doesn’t fit in with how others work and that can be a big problem.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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