"Hearing about any trauma story, reaffirms my need to confront truth and why it is important for me to talk about my own experiences. Although it has taken me many years to get my diagnoses, understand and come to terms with my own journey, this is exactly why I do what I do and why I talk about things.

Working with my Intuition

Since my official autism diagnosis on the 11th January last month, I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. When I was younger and my children were little, their problems were small and being able to make decisions, seemed easier. I went with my intuition, insight and my gut instinct when it came to making decisions and it worked.

Autism and the Bigger Issues

Through autism, bigger issues create more uncertainties for me and knowing what I want to say, isn’t the same as me being able to deliver what I say. Where others become my eyes and ears, I fair better and my struggles aren't so noticeable.

My Struggles with Anxiety

When I don’t get clear answers to the things I need to know, I struggle with anxiety – and anxiety can quickly lead to panic. It becomes a cycle that’s hard to break. Abstract concepts are particularly difficult for me to process, and that uncertainty only adds to more anxiety.

Conclusion

I appreciate that for those without ASD, being assertive isn’t easy, but with autism it's worse. It's important for those of us with autism, have others model and continue to model appropriate behaviour towards us positively. For us, it's the most effective way for us to be assertive and for us to understand how to communicate. Without either we can become isolated and cut off."

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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