I have learned how to deal with problems the hard way. It took me years. We all deal with problems differently, but taking control is a priority for all of us if we are to have hope of achieving the best outcome.
Why control is important?
As a child I found out to my cost that without control, our anger, issues or problems, will control us. There is always a solution to every issue or problem we have to deal with. We can do it with control, or hang on by the seat of our pants. Life throws us many challenges, but learning how to meet those challenges will help us cope. Those challenges will always shape and makes us stronger.
Challenges and being proactive
The key to any challenge is being pro-active. To some of us that is a big challenge, but it’s not an option not to meet either the challenge or to back off. My own version of being pro-active, is standing back, assessing the issue objectively and intuitively working out a solution.
Solving problems
If a problem is there it’s usually for a reason, it needs to be resolved and it needs us to resolve it. We can resolve our problems two ways. We can calmly accept we have a problem that needs resolving, or we can stress ourselves to the point of losing emotional control, and someone else having to step in for us.
Finding an acceptance
Unfortunately, when we lose control we lose our ability to concentrate and function, even at the most basic of levels. If we work on the assumption that problems will always be resolved, it doesn’t matter how long they take, we will always get through them. Whether it’s the outcome we want, we still have to find an acceptance.
Either way, it’s easier when we’re in control whether we have the outcome we want or not. Control makes it so.
Great post today.
Thanks Randy.
Some of us are control freaks, when they don't have control over a situation they get angry. I seem to be a person who tries to find a resolve to a situation and if the first solution doesn't work I try to come up with another solution.
Not that I'm a control freak, it's that I try to be pro-active and work on things that way. Sometimes a solution is painful. I throw my hands up and ask God to take the wheel. In that case somethings work themselves out and they are best left alone.
It's like ripping off a band aid; it stings at first but then it gets better as time goes on.
Thanks Maria. You're absolutely right. It's so important for us to be in control of our issues. It's important to go with what works for us. I'm pleased you've found what works for you.
Without having control there will always be an element of struggle.
Thought provoking post.
I think that being in control requires one to have the ability to analyze life situations from the outside in, rather than the inside out. That process requires an individual to see life events through the lens of a belief system of sort. Otherwise, the control that we think we have is merely a fragile illusion of being in control.
We are actually in control of nothing, yet we are in control of how we perceive and react to life events, based on the principles of one's thought processes or ones belief system.
So, I am not actually in control, but I am in control of how I process and how I react to events.
When you are in real control, you'll know it, because you reveal you to yourself.
Thanks Tim. I think there is a lot of truth in what you say, but obviously we're all different and will cope differently. I feel our perceptions and reactions are so much more important and do make a difference as far as our ability to cope.
I agree that our beliefs do help us on a day-to-day footing where we have every day issues to deal with that don't interfere or change our lives in a big way, but from my own experience of having gone through a life changing experience with my family, it's often the bigger issues that one has to deal with that test our ability to cope.
Our beliefs will help to some extent, but may not always be enough.
I agree we should face our problems head on. I've done that with our son and am doing it with my daughter. Both have problems that need sorting all the time, especially our son. My son has many health problems and we run into new ones all the time. We face them head on and deal with them.
I've done what I can for my daughter to help her make the right decisions in her life. Whether she takes the advice or not is up to her now. I can't do anymore.
I think it is best to deal with problems head on rather than stress out about them. Stressing out will only cause new problems to deal with, mainly health concerns.
I totally agree with you Lisa. We should always deal with our problems head on, so that our problems don't escalate into bigger problems.
I also think as parents we must do as much as we can to help our children understand their lives so that they're able to take control. That way they're more likely to be better equipped to deal with and resolve any issues they have.
Ilana, I completely understand your point of view on this topic.
All participants to this topic have valid and relevant points, that's why I find this topic thought provoking, to say the least.
I venture to say that, "being in control or having the feeling of control, has its expiration date. I can imagine abuse " of being in control can tamper with ones sanity.
Thanks Tim. As you have said 'being in control or having the feeling of control, has its expiration date.' I think you're right... it primarily comes about because on a subconscious level we will always have other issues to deal with that we don't know are issues.
Unfortunately it is those 'issues' that will change how we feel and cope with certain circumstances. It is those issues that can if left, begin to interfere with ones sanity and may even stop us from being in control.