Square peg, round hole

Date 25 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
For me dealing with sensory issues is like trying to fit a square peg, into a round hole. Unless the peg matches perfectly, in practicalities and looks, how I see and interpret the world will always be fraught with difficulties. That’s how sensory issues work. It may seem trivial to…
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Freedom to choose

Date 18 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Without healing we will never have the emotional freedom to choose. Freedom represents peace derived from a willingness to challenge our experiences and existence and how we choose to live. Freedom to choose a different way to think. Freedom to see things the way they are, rather than the way…
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School life

Date 11 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I hated school because I struggled, both socially and academically. Okay, let me rephrase that, I liked school, but school didn’t like me. I found it difficult and isolating. I had no understanding of why I struggled, I just knew I did. Why I struggled to learn would only become…
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My core nature

Date 7 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child, my core nature that is a set of automatically triggered perceptions and values and priorities that are present at birth, were never identified by my parents. Being seen as an angry child, the underlying qualities that I was born with were completely ignored. Instead I was constantly…
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Empathising with others

Date 3 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Ever since I was a small child, I was always to empathise with others, because of my own physical problems, although I was more akin at expressing myself inward more than outward. Empathy can be spontaneous, inherent and inbuilt for those of us with those qualities, but not everyone will…
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Thoughts of self-esteem

Date 2 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
As children, we don't think about what self-esteem or confidence is. As a child, it's not something I ever questioned. I'm not sure as children we're old enough, or mature enough to equate or understand our feelings emotionally, or what they all mean. Looking back of course, it's easy to…
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Forewarned & empowered

Date 28 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Although 'forewarned is forearmed,' means knowing about something before it happens so we can be prepared for it, I feel the same way about finding out that I had Cerebral Palsy, albeit a little late. For me it was retrospective. The moment I found out what I was dealing with,…
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My Emotional Growth

Date 25 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Through maturity and growing up, we learn everything there is to know about ourselves, ready to embark on new relationships. We learn about our likes and dislikes, what irritates us, what makes us happy and what makes us sad, what makes us, us. We become independent thinkers, and ready for…
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The need to be proactive

Date 13 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I haven’t always been strong, determined or confident. Truth be known, growing up I was the complete opposite. I needed to stop relying on others where I wasn't getting the help and rely on myself instead. As a child I lost my way, but my thoughts would continually keep me…
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Compensatory senses

Date 9 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Over the years, my senses have compensated for the lack of conscious awareness of feeling, arising from extensive damage to my Cerebral Cortex, brought about through a stroke, to the area of the brain that deals with emotions and is the reason I have Cerebral Palsy. Because I lack emotional…
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Judgment & non-diagnosis

Date 7 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I know that had I have known what was wrong with me all those years ago, I wouldn’t have been judged on my lack of ability and what others thought I should be able to do. Getting through school was difficult enough, but school wasn’t the only place where me…
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Understanding my anxiety

Date 5 September 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I am always finding ways to bring about more understanding of my neurological symptoms, to find an explanation for the things I deal with daily. When there’s something I can’t control, like being late for an appointment, or working through an issue that’s not easily resolved, it’s easy for me…
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